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Posts tagged howto
A Great Way to Get Some New Cooking Skills
Feb 17th
Last summer, I became one of the early adopters of Google+. Having fully immersed myself in other social media platforms, I was curious to see how this new one would play out. For those of you unfamiliar with the platform, Google+ is a social media platform that enables interactions, similar to Facebook, but it allows you to sort and aggregate the people you follow, in order to selectively send information that is appropriate for those “circles” (e.g. You might want to send BFFs and acquaintances different sets of information via the same platform).
The other interesting addition that Google made was the inclusion of Hangouts – a real-time, live-video interface with up to 10 people. Early last summer, my thoughts were … that’s kind of cool, but I had not made any connections as to how it might change the way I interact professionally on the web.
Needless to say, when I was approached by Joe Saad, the founder of ChefHangout.com with a proposition to join the inaugural group of chefs in a series of online cooking classes using Hangouts; I was intrigued. Our first interactions were, of course via Google Hangout, and I began to see how this platform could enable wider connectedness with those interested in what I do for a living, but also a new way of conveying information and a new model of learning!
Until now, I’ve been using social media as a tool to connect with community, and to promote things that are going on with my business (in that order). I’ve been observing how different brands interact on social media — seen the contests, the Wwitter chats, and thought it was interesting, but really the same model of engagement we’ve been used to all along, just on a social media platform, and sometimes it can seem forced. The thing that really attracted me to the idea of using Hangouts as a learning tool, is that while it is a very new way of interacting, it feels genuine and more personal.
The benefits of real-time interaction
I do a lot of gluten and grain-free cooking and baking – customizing gluten-free recipes. On the gluten-free baking front, seeing subtle differences in consistency is critical for success – and with gluten-free baking experts being so far-flung, getting that first-hand perspective has been all but impossible unless you are in the same city! In this area, the addition of as little as 2 tablespoons extra liquid, or a difference in oven temperature of 25 degrees can make or break your recipe! Its certainly not the end of the world, but definitely not an experience that encourages you to try baking again anytime soon. And that is my ultimate goal. While I cook for other people for a living, I am really passionate about democratizing food.
For me personally, the appeal of this new approach to learning is that it is truly interactive and there are no limits to who can join. I can be in a Hangout with someone on the other side of the country, with them cooking along with me, step-by-step. If they have questions about the caramelization of their onions, or the texture of their gluten-free bread dough, we can see what’s happening on-the-spot, and adjust as we go.
Get the cooking skills you want
- You learn by cooking along with the instructor. Many people are kinesthetic learners, and need to physically go through the motions in order to learn.
- Classes are small. Google Hangouts are limited to 10 people, so there will never be more than 9 other people in your class, meaning you have a chance to ask questions as you go.
- You get dinner (or cake!) at the end of the class. Classes are real-time, and because you are cooking along with the instructor, you will end up with something new that you have created, and you have dinner ready.
What else is different about hanging out with chefs?
Food is a uniting force, and sharing a meal with family or friends is the ultimate bonding experience. Many of us however, are separated by geography and don’t have that many opportunities in a year to share that time together. Part of the appeal for me, was the fact that ChefHangout.com is virtual, meaning friends from across the globe can all sign up for the same class. They can learn something new together, I can bow out of the Hangout at the end of the class, and they can continue to talk over a meal!
Conclusion
There is no doubt that food unites and there is nothing that can replace the way we used to learn how to cook – at the stove, with a mentor guiding us through; this comes pretty close to that.
Its early days for this new venture, but I’m excited by the prospects because this is a totally new way of learning and communicating about food! I encourage you to check out ChefHangout.com – there are 24 chefs in total involved with the launch, so there’s sure to be something that piques your taste buds!
(Photo credit: Assortment of Fresh Vegetables via Shutterstock)
Disclaimer: I am not being paid or compensated to endorse Google+ or any Google products. I do receive monetary compensation for cooking classes I conduct through chefhangout.com.
Janice Mansfield is a personal chef specializing in creating customized recipes and meal plans for people coping with multiple food sensitivities. She also created a line of cocktail bitters for no other reason than she wanted chocolate bitters in her Manhattans! When not cooking or cocktailing, she documents the antics and unbearable cuteness her two Shiba Inus.
Lifehack Presents: The Path Mini User Guide
Feb 3rd
Sick of the massiveness and lack of intimacy on the larger social networks (ie Facebook, Google+, and Twitter)? Looking for a way to share with who you want and not have your entire life story in the lime-light?
This is where the “newish” social network Path comes in.
The premise
Path is a “smart journal that helps you share life with the ones you love”. It’s based on the concept of Professor Robin Dunbar’s research regarding the number of trusted relationships that one can maintain which is believed to be 150. That means you can only have 150 friends on Path making it feel way more intimate and “exclusive” than other networks. Something else that adds to this feeling is that Path is only available for iPhone and Android.
Sign up and interface
Signing up for Path is as easy as any other service. Download the iPhone or Android app and then create an account with your email and password.
The Path’s “Home” presents you with a timeline of your friends, a small avatar of yourself that will take you to your own timeline, a “Customize” block behind your avatar where you can choose your own photo, the “Chooser” that you can use to post your photos, videos, location, etc., and buttons to get to your left and right menus (you can also swipe left or right to get to your settings or friend menus).
Adding friends
To add new friends swipe left and tap the “Add Friends” option. Once there, you can add friends by inviting from your contact list, searching Facebook, inviting them via email, or even choose some of the “Suggestions”. Suggestions are friends of friends.
You can also search Path for people via the search box at the top of the “Add Friends” screen.
Settings
To get to Path’s settings, swipe right from “Home” and choose “Settings”.
You can choose whether you want the “Neighborhood” setting on which updates your Path automatically when you change location. You can set all of your identification as well as you bio picture and home “Cover”. Also, you can control your notifications of Path events by tapping and highlighting either the phone or email symbol to control where you see your notifications.
Sharing
Sharing on Path is easy and probably one of the biggest reasons people love it. You share by tapping the “Chooser” button on the bottom left and then choosing one of the pop-out options below.
Pictures and videos
In the picture sharing screen you can choose what type of photo “lens” you want to use by tapping “Lens” and then scrolling through the different effects. Also, you can tap the blur button to the bottom left to create a circular or line blur in your picture. With the blur option on, you can drag the center of it around as well as re-size it with pinching and zooming.
There are other standard camera controls like auto or manual flash, flipping the camera from front to rear, touch focus, a select video or photo button at the bottom left, and the video and camera toggle at the bottom right.
People
Choosing the people option gives you a list of your friends and contacts. You can then choose one or more and hit the next button at the top right. At the “Post” screen, you can fill in a note and even your location (location details are below).
You will also notice at the bottom right you have some social network toggles for Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Foursquare. To sign into these services simply click on the service you want to post to and then connect your account. For sharing on Foursquare you will need to pick a location first.
You will also notice at the bottom of the “Post” screen a small padlock. This allows you to make your post private meaning that only you will have access to it.
Places
Tapping on places will give you a map with all the nearby places (at least the ones that have been shared or are register with Google Maps). You then simply pick a place and you will be forwarded to the Post screen.
A nice touch to the “Places” option is that if you are somewhere that isn’t listed automatically you can use the search box and then click the “Not Found?” option to create it. If you don’t see the options just scroll all the way to the bottom of the list to find it.
Music
One of my favorites. Choose “Music” and then search for whatever you are listening to. You can even tap the small play button on the album cover of the search results to hear the song. After choosing the song you are directed to the Post screen to finish up.
Thought
Type in whatever you are thinking or want to say. After that you can do the usual Post screen behavior and then post by tapping “Save”.
Sleep/Wake
Another nice touch. Tapping the small moon button gives you two choices; “Go to Sleep” and “I’m Awake”. Tap on the sleep button and you are given a nice moon screen that displays how long you slept for. Tapping on the I’m Awake button posts to your Path how long you slept for and a sometimes squirrelly little message.
Commenting
After you start creating some moments on Path and see other moment from your friends, you will want to comment. Commenting is easy. Tap the small smiley face next to the moment you want to comment on. You can then pick a smiley and leave a comment by tapping the Comment box. You’ll notice that if many people saw this moment that you can scroll through their avatars to see them all.
Locals
When someone posts their location you can tap on it. You will then be taken to the “Locals” screen which will tell you the number of people on Path that are in your general vicinity as well as show you the list of your friends that are there too. This is a cool way to see who in your “trusted Path network” is around you.
Conclusion
The beauty of Path is that it is easy and intuitive to use as well as beautiful. Also, because of features like making certain posts private you can use Path for more than just sharing things with your close friends and loved ones; you can keep things that only you want to have access to. Hopefully this short guide can get you started with one of the newest and freshest social networks around.
Why It’s Important to be Wrong: The Valuable Art of Apology
Jan 25th
Have you noticed how obsessed we all are with getting things right? Not only that, but doing the right thing quicker and better than ever before. Everywhere you turn, there are books, magazines and blogs dedicated to making sure we have the secrets of success so we don’t screw up. In the face of all this rampant perfectionism, it’s easy to overlook the importance of being OK without getting it wrong now and then.
I had a bad day yesterday. In fact, I would go so far as to say that my morning was one hot mess and that there is no one to blame but me. I handled a couple of issues SPECTACULARLY badly. By 10am, I had done some serious, but hopefully impermanent damage to some important relationships in my life, both personal and professional.
To Err is human
“Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up!”, the mature part of me was screaming, but unfortunately, this wasn’t the part of me that was driving the bus at the time. All in all, it was an epic fail on the “impulse control front.” For someone adept at navigating the grey complexities of ethics in both academic and professional life, it’s rather bizarre how obnoxiously black and white I can be when things get personal. Now that my blood pressure has gone back down to normal, I cringe as I reflect on my vehement and indignant behavior.
Being able to see that we (may) have made an error of judgment is a good thing. Not least because it keeps our ego in check and teaches us some humility.
The Customer is always right
In business, the old saying “the customer is always right” still holds true. Customer service, or lack thereof, can make or break a company. At the foundation of good customer service is the ability to apologize and to do it well. One often cited example of best practice is from 1982 when a Japanese Airlines plane crashed in Tokyo Bay. The president of the airline went promptly and personally met with and apologized to each family of the crash victims.
Not only is it the right thing to do, but in some cases, it actually pays to apologize. Take the world of medical malpractice, where the traditional consensus amongst attorneys defending doctors who were being sued used to be to advocate silence. However, some more recent research has challenged this way of thinking. One of the most famous cases is the VA Hospital in Lexington, Kentucky. The Lexington VA has a policy surrounding medical error which actually encourages communication of sympathy and admissions of fault. Not only that but the VA is proactive in disclosing errors and offers help on how to file a claim.
“This policy of extreme honesty, practiced since the late 1980s, has reportedly reduced lawsuits and settlement and defense costs. Only three cases have gone to trial in 17 years, with the average settlement being $16,000, compared with the national VA average of $98,000.”
Robert J Walling and Shawna S. Ackerman (2006) “Having to say your sorry: A More Efficient Medical Mal Practice Insurance Model.”
The disclaimer
While saying sorry might avoid a law suit in many circumstances, if you find yourself in a situation that has a chance of ending in legal proceedings, it is always advisable to consult an attorney because in some states, saying “I’m sorry” can be used as an admission of guilt in court.
How not to apologize
Of course, all apologies are not created equal and it’s said that in business, a bad apology can actually be detrimental in some circumstances. In a 2006 Inc. article, Allison Stein Wellner referred to research by Jennifer K. Robbennolt, a professor at the University of Illinois College of Law. In a study of apology letters written after a hypothetical accident, Wellner discovered that victims who received a partial apology (interpreted as “I’m sorry if you think I should apologize“) were actually less likely to accept a settlement offer than those who received no apology at all.
Another common pitfall is what Lauren Bloom, attorney, ethics expert and author of the Art of Apology ebook describes as the “if/any game.” She describes it as one of the apology errors that politicians frequently make when they say, “if my actions offended anybody, then I apologize.”
Elements of a good apology
There is quite a lot of helpful information to be had on the art and/or science of apologizing. Some of the key elements are sincerity, timing, taking full responsibility, acknowledging the hurt or damage caused, asking for forgiveness, future intentions and restitution. The website PerfectApology.com points to the letter and video by Jet Blue founder and Ceo David Neeleman as a perfect business apology. “We are sorry and embarrassed. But most of all, we are deeply sorry…(for) the worst operational week in JetBlue’s seven year history.”
Hard to say
If it’s tricky to say sorry in business, how much harder is it in our personal relationships? Owning our short-comings can be hard. An apology can feel like an admission of failure, an undesirable acknowledgment of our human frailty. There is often fear attached to a real or perceived threat that an admission of a mistake may be used against us in the future. We may be afraid that our apology will not be accepted, that it will be greeted with anger, that it will result in more conflict when we seek to avoid confrontation.
But, when all is said and done, I still believe that owning up to being wrong is the right thing to do. It equips us with the ability to see things from more than one perspective. It offers the opportunity to cultivate persistence and not to quit. It reminds us that life is not a performance or a test but a learning experience.
Conclusion
To err is human, as the saying goes, but to forgive is divine. I’m counting on the divine intervention necessary that I might be able to give myself and everyone else permission to screw up and to learn from our mistakes. For at the end of the day, sometimes it simply comes down to this, “Would you rather be right or be happy?”
Mirabai Galashan MTh. helps people make the most of every day of their lives. She is a hospice chaplain, healer and teacher who works with individuals, couples and groups, offering counseling, coaching and holistic healing. Mirabai has a masters in Spirituality and Health over 20 years' experience as a professional practitioner of complementary therapies. Learn more at http://mirabaigalashan.com.
How to Develop Mental Toughness
Jan 10th
Time after time you see a promising athlete come out of college and go into the pros only to bomb out. He or she had the best athletic ability, yet could not cut it at the professional level. Others might not have great athletic ability, get picked late in the draft and go onto become super stars. Tom Brady comes to mind as someone who wasn’t particularly outstanding in college who has gone on to be a probable first time inductee into the NFL Hall of Fame.
Personally I have seen the same. I spent many years in the US Army Special Forces. We would have tryouts who while in the best physical shape just could not make the grade to be a Green Beret. Others, who would seem to be nondescript, would pass the Special Forces Qualification course with flying colors and go onto to be an outstanding soldier.
You are probably asking yourself by now what is the difference? What do you need to perform at the highest levels, which is even more important than physical ability?
Mental Toughness
Mental toughness is what separates the superstar from the merely good. It separates the musicians that play small party gigs from the rock stars. Someone without mental toughness can have all the natural talents or ability and not make it as far as someone with mental toughness with average ability.
The key to mental toughness is applying consistently the traits of self motivation, positive attitude, emotional self control, calmness under fire, and being energetic and ready for action. Consistency is important. Through applying these traits day in and day out, you will be able to reach new heights in whatever endeavors you seek whether it be a sport, playing a musical instrument, coding a computer application or writing a novel.
Let’s look at each of the traits of mental toughness:
Self Motivation
While some sports are team sports and other pursuits are done in conjunction with others life is pretty much played alone. Your motivation must come from within. The intensity of your motivation is determined by how badly you want to perform well.
Motivation can be strengthened many ways. Think back to a failure. That feeling can provide the motivation to keep going, keep practicing. A time of victory can also provide the motivation to reclaim that winning feeling. Use time as a motivator. While others relax you can be gaining on them increasing your skills.
Positive, Realistic Attitude
You are not going to be able to do everything. In Special Forces we always looked for what someone was good at and focused on that. By focusing on strengths, you gain confidence and inspiration from them. You can create your own positive attitude. For example, smaller pro basketball players do not try to go head to head with others over seven feet tall, they focus on their speed and ball handling skills. Focus on what your natural strengths are.
Emotional Self Control
People who are not in control of their emotions get upset when the something doesn’t go as expected. They alienate spouses, co-workers, teammates by petty, childish behavior. Mentally tough people have tough skins and don’t let outside circumstances affect them. There will be many times whether in a game or in life that things happen outside your control. A mentally tough person keeps their emotions in check and keeps on with the game plan they had in mind from the beginning.
Calm Under Fire
Anything worth going for is going to be high pressure one time or another. Mentally tough people are at their best under pressure. Calmness under fire isn’t something you just switch on. The key here is to seek out pressure situations working up from low pressure to medium pressure to high pressure situations. Perform in front of larger and larger groups. Seek out better and better opponents, games top participate in. What seemed like high pressure before will become the new normal for you.
Energetic and Ready For Action
Mentally tough people get themselves fire up and ready to go for the battle, performance, game or whatever it may be. It might be the middle of the night, you might have played two other performances the same day or you might be under the weather. The pride you get from doing your best in less than optimal circumstances makes it that much easier to succeed in all circumstances. The third performance of the day might not be your best ever, but it should be the best you can possibly give. The next time when conditions are better you will play better for times you pushed yourself to give it all.
Conclusion
The great thing about mental toughness is that you are not born with it. You don’t have to learn it at a young age. Mental toughness comes simply from the decision to consistently apply the traits I have talked about. You can start today and reach levels of your game, relationships, and success that you never thought possible. Outstanding athletic prowess, superior intellect, musical talent will take someone so far. Without mental toughness they will not reach their full potential.
For 20 years, Michael Martel was a Green Beret in the US Army. He now works with people to put Special Forces like effectiveness into their lives and businesses. Go to Achieve The Green Beret Way and learn about his book Get ER Done: The Green Beret Guide to Productivity and other tools for achieving outstanding results.
3 Windows Shortcuts Anyone Can Use
Nov 30th
I’m going to make a prediction here without a crystal ball, or a 900 psychic friend’s number. I predict that the majority of you are Windows users, correct?
Eat that Dionne Warwick!
Am I really a psychic? Heck no, but I’ll bet I’m more accurate than that Rapture guy! But I digress. Truth is, it doesn’t take the knowledge of splitting an atom to discern that Windows still holds the market on the PC OS.
Being a likely Windows user (Macs are out of luck on this one), there is a good chance you’ll want to know how to tweak Windows to suit your style, run faster, and/or make you more productive (i.e. do things faster and better). If this is you, then do I have a trick for you?
Buckle in and prepare to learn some sweet tweaks you can use to customize Windows.
Want to reboot your PC from a desktop icon?
If you hate the Windows XP, or Vista shutdown menu – and I’ll bet you do – this is something you are definitely 
interested in. Windows 7 users probably aren’t as inclined, but may want it as well. In order to make this happen:
1. Right click on an open area of the desktop Select New/Shortcut. Enter in ”shutdown -r -t 00″ (no quotes)
2. Select “Next” and enter Reboot or anything you like as a name.
3. Click Finish.
How about locking your PC from an icon on the desktop?
The lock feature is a feature that is used a lot; especially in an office setting. When you leave your office – to go mind your own business somewhere else, you don’t need the cubicle gossip snooping in your stuff, or worse the office jester sending out prank emails offering to by everyone in the office lunch from your logged in account (Yes, I hate that guy too).
Of course you can always use CRTL-ALT-DEL, a screensaver, or even WIN+L from your keyboard – but if none of those corn your fritter, then maybe an icon on your desktop will. Here’s how it’s done:
1. From the desktop “Right Click”, select “New” then select “Shortcut”
2. Type “rundll32.exe user32.dll” (no quotes)
3. Select “Next” and enter “Lock PC” or anything you like as a name.
4. Right click new shortcut and select “Properties”
5. Select “Change Icon”
6. Explore shell32.dll in the System32 directory and find a lock icon you like
7. Click “Apply” and “Ok”
Now you can walk up; give Clyde “the Gossip” the finger and slap Lucien “The Jester” upside the head, as you’re on your way to mind your own business.
Note: Use that last tip at your own discretion…
Would you like an internet search in your Start Menu?
Easily, the Start Menu is one of the more useful features in the Windows platform. It’s a central hub for searching you PC’s 
contents, but what about when you want to search the Internet? Wouldn’t it be more productive to add an Internet search option directly to your Start Menu? This way, you can bypass the browser, and search the net right from the start menu. Here’s the skinny:
1. Click “Start” then “Run” (For Vista or Windows 7 user’s, click “Start” and proceed to step 2 typing in the search box)
2. Type “gpedit.msc” (no quotes) and press Enter
3. Using the left panel explore to “User Configuration>Administrative Templates> Start Menu & Taskbar”
4. Double-click “Add Search Internet link to Start Menu,” and select “Enable” (May not be available in XP)
5. Click “Apply” and “Ok”
Now when you search for something in the Start Menu, a “Search the Internet” link will appear above the search box!
There you have it; regardless of whether you are a seasoned Windows Pro, the most “green” of beginners, or anything in between these tips and tricks will prove to be useful. Feel free to print this out, write it down or share these tips with a friend; I am only here to help.
Know some other tips or tricks suitable for the entire range of Windows users? Drop a line in the comments section and share – the more the merrier.
How to Hack Language Learning
Nov 14th
Photo credit: Lorna87 (CC BY-NC 2.0)
There are no two ways about it: learning a foreign language is a lot of work.
There is grammar to master, vocabulary words to memorize, and the culture behind the language that adds context. That’s a tall order. For that reason, so few people actually learn a foreign language. It’s demanding — and lots of people speak English anyway, so it falls off the radar. However, the payoff is huge.
Speaking another person’s language creates a bond, and it demonstrates a respect and interest that is compelling. It also sets you apart, especially if you are American.
So, if you have made the decision to learn another language, I am going to offer you three major hacks to speed up your progress. As someone with a PhD in Linguistics and varying degrees of fluency in Russian, Polish, Bulgarian, Czech, French and Spanish, I know a thing or two about this stuff. And these are real, field-tested hacks, not academic theory.
The Ultimate Sacrifice
The first hack is a big one, and it will only work for some people. The single best way to learn a foreign language is to find a girlfriend/boyfriend who speaks that language, whose English is pretty minimal.
Why?
You want to communicate with your beloved — perhaps their family — and you spend a lot of time together. I have seen this work many times. Among my fellow language students, we would jokingly call this “the ultimate sacrifice.” If you are THERE, in country, as opposed to HOME, where we speak English, all the better.
Now, if you already married or otherwise committed, I would recommend against using this hack…for fairly obvious reasons.
The Powerful Shortcut
Okay — that was pretty “macro” but the next one is “micro”: Learn the adverbs. Why the adverbs? Well, there are tons of nouns and verbs and adjectives. You will eventually need to know many in order to have a decent conversation, but that is a lot of work. Also, you can often figure them out from context. If the other person says something like “I like that XYZ” and is pointing at some object, you can guess that it’s an XYZ. Adverbs are different, and they can change the meaning of a sentence dramatically. Look at the following pair of sentences (adverbs are IN CAPS):
“John BARELY caught the train.”
“John ALMOST caught the train.”
Big difference in meaning, right? And it may not be obvious from context. The nice thing about adverbs, unlike nouns, verbs and adjectives, is that there are far fewer that are used commonly. If you learn 100 nouns or verbs, it’s a drop in the bucket. If you learn 100 adverbs, you have significantly increased your ability to have a meaningful conversation. Here is a link to a list of common adverbs in English. Find out how to say them in your new language and get to work!
Maximize Input – No Excuses
When I was in high school in New Jersey in the 80s, studying Russian, if we wanted a real copy of a Russian newspaper, we would have to drag our butts into Brooklyn to spend a ton of cash to get two-week old copy of Pravda. That sucked. Today, you have access to amazing new resources via the internet. Go in the internet and type in “Russian [or whatever language] radio,” and you get a whole bunch of live streaming radio from all over, some from the mother country, some from the US. Listen to it, leave it on as much as you can stand, even if you have no idea what they’re saying, you’ll be picking up the rhythm and melody.
Getting foreign language TV is easy too; there are services similar to Netflix for many languages. There is music in your language on YouTube (trust me, there is — no matter how obscure). Look up the major newspapers in your language and pick through them, word by word. You can practice foreign language chat at sites like SharedTalk or My Language Exchange.
Why do this? Think about how much English you heard before you ever uttered “Mama”. You probably heard tens of thousands of words. You need that sort of input to make sense of a language, and you can do it passively, just like when you were a kid.
So, just turn on talk radio or YouTube and you are off to the races — even when you aren’t paying attention.
Conclusion
The three powerful strategies for learning a foreign language so you can have an advantage in today’s global economy are as follows:
- The boyfriend/girlfriend who speaks <Foreign Language> but not English. This is the most fun, of course, but it is limited in application, and comes with certain other risks
- Learn the adverbs. You will have to do this anyway, and it’s the best way to enlarge your useful vocabulary FAST
- Get as much exposure to your language as you can. Listen to TV and radio, read the emergency instructions in the seatback on the airplane, in order to replicate the environment when you were learning English, without concentrating so hard on it…
Have fun — and come back fluent!
How to Avoid Burn Out: 10 Symptoms of Severe Stress
Oct 11th
Each individual has a unique tolerance level for how much physical and emotional stress they can endure before something starts to give. Far too often people ignore the warning signs that their stress levels are becoming unmanageable and it takes a crisis of some kind to get them to change.
The speeding ticket from God
A couple of years ago I was rushing to work and made the split-second decision to keep going through a light when I knew very well that it was going to turn red. Moments later I was pulled over by an irate cop and on the receiving end of the full extent of his wrath along with a major ticket. As I waited for him to return to my car, I started to cry, not with frustration or self-pity but out of sheer relief that I hadn’t caused an accident.
The irony of this story was that I was on my way to give a seminar about how to manage stress and avoid burnout. I felt so profoundly grateful that I had received a wake up call without hurting someone else in the process. It really seemed like an enormous blessing in disguise and ever since then I have referred to this occasion as the time I received a speeding ticket from God.
My wish for you is that you don’t wait until something goes wrong or until your health begins to suffer to pay attention.
Watch for the symptoms
Excessive stress manifests physically and emotionally in a variety of ways. Here is a list of some common ones.
- Change in appetite. Losing or gaining weight is often a clear indicator that things are getting out of hand. Food may lose it’s appeal, or if you are like many people, you may find yourself downing too many of what I like to call “consolation calories”. If you notice that you have a stress-activated sweet tooth, you may be seeking comfort. If it is more generalized over consumption, you maybe trying to stuff your feelings down along with the extra food.
- Drinking etc. Monitor your alcohol consumption, that goes for any drug of your choice – including the more subtle forms of escapism like excess TV watching.
- Sleep. Losing sleep or can’t get enough of it; either way you will notice that you are feeling tired all the time. Ironically, increased exercise will give you more energy and creating soothing bedtime routines may also help.
- Tolerance. One of the more unpleasant side-effects of your stress for those around you is a decreased level of patience. Notice if you find yourself snapping at people; for me how I react to drivers cutting me off is a great litmus test.
- Memory. Short term memory problems can also be an indicator of stress. Concentration can also be affected.
- Getting sick. Stress has a direct effect on your immune system. More frequent colds can sometimes reveal that your body is taking notice before your mind.
- Clumsiness. “Less Haste, More Speed.” I find that I become more clumsy and less coordinated when very stressed, although it’s hard to discern how much of this is due to rushing.
- Relationships. For an instant reality check on your stress level, ask the people closest to you. They will be able to inform you whether you have been neglecting them and also whether they think you have been taking your stress out on them.
- Humor. How often are you laughing and smiling? If you can’t remember the last time, you have definitely been taking life too seriously for too long.
- Futility. A sense of hopelessness about what feels like endless burdens and a lack of purpose can also be clues.
This list is just a starting point.
Some of these may seem irrelevant or conversely, glaringly obvious. You might be able to come up with three of four more that I haven’t even mentioned right off the bat. You are the expert. The most important thing is that you start to become more conscious of how you are doing before you reach breaking point.
Start to develop your own list of red flags and warning signs, so you can take evasive action and avoid burning out.
Mirabai Galashan MTh. helps people make the most of every day of their lives. She is a hospice chaplain, healer and teacher who works with individuals, couples and groups, offering counseling, coaching and holistic healing. Mirabai has a masters in Spirituality and Health over 20 years' experience as a professional practitioner of complementary therapies. Learn more at http://mirabaigalashan.com.
How To: Use Git to Version Your Writing
Oct 4th
If you are a writer you may have ran into this problem. You are writing like mad, moving things, changing the way something flows. As you are getting into it, you realize.
Hey! This isn’t what I want to say at all! I need to go back.
You feverishly tap CTRL + z (or Command + z for you Mac aficionados) and come to find that your favorite “no frills” text editor has lost your undo history or you aren’t quite sure where you want to go back to.
Good for more than just development
Git is a piece of software that allows the user to control the versions of files in a directory. It allows the user to ‘commit’ a snapshot of any directory to a ‘repository’ that tracks all of the changes between versions of the files.
Git is awesome for development. But, what I have found is that it is awesome for writing as well.
Git allows me to commit my writing every so often so I can get back to where I want to be. It also allows me to ‘branch’ my writing so I can separate it from everything else.
Let’s take a look at how you can use git to control your writing versions.
Installation, Initialization, and committing
I will be covering Windows and Mac here. For you Linux geeks; you should already know how to use git!
To install git do the following:
For Windows:
Go to git-scm.com, click on the Windows link to the right and download the latest version. Install via the executable and choose the most standard settings. When you get to the Adjusting your PATH environment screen, select the first option, Use Git Bash only and hit next. When at the Configuring the line ending conversions, select the third option, Checkout as-is, commit as-is and hit next. After the install completes click “Finish”.
For Mac:
Go to git-scm.com, click on the Mac OS X link to the right and then click the latest .DMG file in the list to download. Launch the DMG from your Downloads directory and double-click the git PKG. Follow the on-screen instructions and enter your user credentials. Close the installer when it is complete.
OK, now that you have git installed we are going to get geeky and use a terminal in both Windows and Mac.
To get to the git terminal in Windows go to the Start button and search for ‘git’. Click on ‘Git Bash’ to get to your git command line interface.
For Mac just open a terminal by going to Applications > Utilities > Terminal.
Here is where the fun begins. Let’s say you have a folder where you store a bunch of writing. For me that is in my Dropbox/writing folder. If I want to start tracking that directory I can change to that directory via command line then initialize a git repository.
This will be close to the same on both platforms. To change to a certain directory use the command:
cd [path-to-your-writing-directory]
Of course fill in your own directory. My command looks like this in Windows:
The backslash after ‘My’ is used to tell the terminal that the space after the word ‘My’ is there. You can autocomplete your paths by starting to type a directory and then hitting the ‘Tab’ key.
And this on my Mac:
Once you are at the directory you have all of your writing in you can issue the command git init which initializes a blank “repository” for your directory. This puts a .git directory that is initialized. Once your repository is initialized you can add the files to the repository by typing
git add .
or
git add [some-name-of-a-file]
to add only one file.
After that you can commit your files to the repository by typing
git commit -m “This is my first commit (or some other message)”
‘-m’ is used to tell git that you want to put a message with your commit. Now you have made your first commit to your new git repository! Congrats, you geek.
More on committing and branching
OK, I know that was a little technical, but you are over the hump now. If you want to learn more about git though in your free time, check out Pro Git. It’s free and it is the best tutorial on the inner workings of git.
So, what committing does is take a “snapshot” of the directory structure or whatever files you told your git repository to watch. If you make a change to a sentence in one of the files that your repository is watching after you just committed and type ‘git status’ you will be presented with the changes that have been made to the watched files. This lets you know that you have “uncommitted” changes to your watched files. You can then easily commit them by issuing the git commit command.
Another neat feature of git is branching. Branching is the idea of making a totally separate branch of your repository. You can create a new branch by typing:
git checkout -b this-is-a-new-branch
You can then make changes to your tracked files totally separate from your “master” branch. This allows you to take different paths with your writing without screwing up something else that was committed.
To switch back to your “master” branch, type:
git checkout master
Also, remember to commit any changes before creating and changing to new branches. If you don’t you may run into issues down the line where some changes get dropped.
More to come
Let us know if you think that this is helpful or want to learn more about using git to track files leave some messages in the comments.
Git is a super application; one that I use everyday. I can’t praise it enough. But, remember, it doesn’t have to be just used by geeks and hackers, writers can use it to keep track of their work and to feel free to explore other writing avenues without losing valuable work they have already created.
What Dental Floss Can Teach Us About Time Management
Oct 3rd
Smile...you're managing your time better!
Flossing your teeth is one of the best examples of the principles of time management. Why?
Well, we all know it’s something you should do, yet probably don’t do.
After you see your dentist, you vow to do better this time, you stay on it for a few days, maybe, and then let it go again, until your next appointment. Why does this happen? Well, flossing is a hassle, and the payoff is in the distant future. If I told you I’d give you a million bucks if you flossed your teeth right now, you’d run out and get some floss and make it happen, right? Of course!
But that’s not your reality.
The reality is that if you spend a few minutes now before bed time, you will be less likely to get cavities, lose your teeth, or suffer gum disease in the future — perhaps in the distant future, decades from now. When you are 75, you will wish you had started flossing when you were 30, but by then it will be too late. Furthermore, research has shown that people who floss actually live longer then people who don’t. Think about that. When you are on death’s door decades from now, you will wish you had a few more healthy years in you, to see your grandkids, to share with your husband or wife, to continue your life’s work. That puts things into perspective, doesn’t it? You can give yourself that gift, but you will need to start flossing today.
So, how will you stay motivated today when the payoff won’t come for so many years? You know you should floss, but should is not enough. You need to create a visceral, emotional payoff that you can experience now, that will motivate you to keep going. Perhaps it’s as simple as a mantra you repeat to yourself as you pick up the floss each night: “I am giving myself the gift of a longer life,” or “I’m going to have a sexy smile when I’m 75!”
Or maybe you imagine smiling as your grandkids bounce on your knee, or as you walk your granddaughter down the aisle to get married, or play golf with your best friend, whatever has meaning for you. Is that worth a few minutes of hassle right now? Of course it is!
Now, perhaps you are motivated by avoiding pain. In that case imagine something awful, like having no teeth, not being able to enjoy a juicy apple or hearty steak, but you can avoid that with a few minutes of work right now. Worth it, right?
Maybe none of that is sufficient. The payoff is too far away, too abstract. Fair enough. If you have kids, or if you have ever worked with kids, you surely know that they can be motivated by immediate rewards. Floss your teeth, and get a gold star on the chart! Collect ten stars and you get a reward, like a favorite coffee drink or a trip to the movies. Yes, this is bribery, and every parent and teacher on this earth has resorted to it many times, because used well, it works! Find a reward that is motivating and use that to incentivize yourself to floss. Create a chart if you need to, or find an app.
When I was 10, my aunt told me she would give me five dollars if I finished my green beans. I choked them down in seconds. She thought it proved that I actually liked them. I didn’t, but I had a clear picture of the reward for doing something I didn’t want to do — which was the five dollars she promised.
The bottom line is you want to find a way to experience some satisfaction today, even though the benefit of flossing won’t be felt for years. Create this kind of reward for yourself, and not just flossing — but anything — becomes possible.
Naming Elephants: 10 Ways To Use Radical Honesty to Improve Your Relationship
Sep 22nd
When it comes to relationships, I believe that honesty is always the best policy. Not merely remaining faithful. Not in the sense of being able to say that you never really lie to your partner. I’m talking about Radical Honesty; actually coming out and naming the elephants in the room so you can deal with them before they trample all over your relationship.
Radical Honesty requires that you speak your truth even when you feel sure that the other person won’t want to hear it. Radical Honesty means that you have to say how you really feel, especially when you believe that you could either avoid x or conversely make y happen by hiding these feelings from them. It is a commitment to authenticity that requires being true to yourself as much as being loyal to another.
How long can you pretend to be someone else?
If you lack an intrinsic sense of self-worth you may be tempted to censor yourself; to try to express yourself in terms of what would be acceptable or desirable to someone else. In the short-term, you may even be successful in your goals. But, realistically speaking, just how long can you pretend to be someone else? And do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that you don’t believe could love you as you really are?
Whilst the idea of being “strategic” is a popular one when it comes to dating, it doesn’t feel so warm and fuzzy to think that one partner actively manipulated the other into committing to the relationship. Is that really a good way to build a foundation for a trusting relationship?
“I wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have me”
Your degree of reluctance to do this may be a gauge of how much or how little you love and accept yourself. In the words of Groucho Marx,
“I wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have me.”
If deep down you think you are “too much” or if there is any suspicion that there might “be something wrong” with you, of course you are going to imagine that everyone else is as turned off by you as you are.
However, if you dare to share the sadness and longing that you are so embarrassed to admit, you may discover that other people come closer instead of abandoning you as you might have imagined. Just maybe it’s you – not them – that finds your vulnerability so unlovable. It could be your tendency to abandon yourself that you are projecting onto others. Ironically, it could be what pushes people away is not your weakness but how you act you when you are trying to hide it.
Giving up control
All of this radical honesty requires a fundamental attitude shift and that is giving up the idea that you can control anyone or anything other than your own reactions. I find the more intelligent people are, the harder they find this to do. They quickly succumb to the trap of thinking that if they only try hard enough or think about it long enough or read the right book, they can figure it out.
In addition, you may have more difficulty with this if during your childhood you learned to try to predict or change the behavior of an unpredictable parent with your actions. This learned survival skill, combined with having a deficit of emotional security, is the reason that many people grow up to expend so much energy trying to control things. It doesn’t come from a malicious desire to manipulate in order to wield power; it’s a coping mechanism designed to try and make the world a safer place.
The illusion is that somewhere out there is something you could say or do which would be the guarantee that everything will be alright. Searching for it can drive you crazy. How much easier is it to simply speak your truth without attachment to the reactions you may receive?
Ten tips to get you started
- Don’t let resentment build, deal with issues one at a time and as soon as they arise
- Stop trying to control or manipulate your partner’s feelings or actions
- Share your hopes, dreams and wishes
- Share your fears
- Be honest with yourself
- Share your vulnerability instead of your anger
- Express your disappointment gently
- Check that you both have signed on to the same contract (Explain what you think the unwritten rules are)
- Admit when you don’t know what to do
- Admit it when you think you may have made a mistake
Radical honesty can be magically healing but it must always be used with respect. Remember that coming from a place of vulnerability instead of blame invites your partner to look for a solution with you.
Mirabai Galashan MTh. helps people make the most of every day of their lives. She is a hospice chaplain, healer and teacher who works with individuals, couples and groups, offering counseling, coaching and holistic healing. Mirabai has a masters in Spirituality and Health over 20 years' experience as a professional practitioner of complementary therapies. Learn more at http://mirabaigalashan.com.