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Posts tagged Happiness
Three Reasons Why Anger is Your Friend
Aug 2nd
Previously, we have discussed why Fear, Sadness and Shame are actually your friends. Today we are going to talk about Anger. Anger gets a lot of bad press. Executives are sent to Anger Management classes, we talk about Road Rage and Bullying. But Anger, expressed cleanly, can very much be your friend.
First, Anger gives you the energy to confront a threat. Angry people “aren’t going to take it anymore,” they are going to do something to right a wrong or put a stop to an injustice or defend against an attacker, and these people are fired up! That’s important because threats can be scary, and, you know, threatening, and it helps to have the energy that angers gives us to confront them. Without that anger and energy, you can sit there and think and think and think, and rationalize why you’re not doing anything, and nothing will change. Angry people don’t stay passive long.
Second, Anger helps you to set boundaries. When you find yourself feeling Angry, you know that someone or something just violated your sense of boundaries, your sense of what is right and wrong, and you feel compelled to do something about it. Now, Anger can be very consuming, in the moment, but it may well help you in the moment to ask yourself, before you actually run off half-cocked and do something you may regret, “what just happened to violate my boundaries? What do I need to do to address that?” Now you have a clearer idea of the problem, and the solution, and, as noted above, the energy to step forward and act, even when there is risk.
Lastly, Anger helps you to show others you are serious. Clean Anger, as opposed to blind rage (Anger’s very troublesome twin brother), demonstrates your willingness to confront that threat, to enter into conflict and to stay present, even as you get cut and bruised in the fray, and to do what it takes to prevail. Anger can be kinda scary, and when presented with Anger, many people will back down.
The trick with Anger, of course, is for you to 1> Use your anger in pursuit of a worthwhile goal that serves a higher purpose for your values, your community, your family. Scaring people just to get what you want is just playground Bullying. 2> Stay in control of yourself so that you can keep your eye on the goal and move toward it purposefully, so that you don’t find yourself enjoying conflict for its own sake and causing unnecessary damage. Perhaps we can say it like this: Anger is a great Servant, but a really bad Master.
So, Anger gives you the energy to confront a threat, helps you to set boundaries, and show others you are serious. That is definitely a friend worth having, or maybe a trusted bodyguard. Either way, you want someone like that in your corner.
Simple Daily Habits to Ignite Your Passion
Jul 27th
“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.”- Hardy D. Jackson
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Scott Dinsmore of LiveYourLegend
For the past 8 years I’ve run experiments on myself and others to better understand what makes us come alive.
This has taken me on ultra-marathons, to the tops of mountains, the bowels of bookstores, around the world and in front of some pretty fascinating people on some very deep soul searching. Finding passion and helping folks do work that embodies it has become a bit of an obsession of mine and has turned up some interesting results.
It turns out passion is not as elusive as we think. Just like daily exercise leads to a more fit and healthy body, there are habits that lead to fire in your belly. If we are to cultivate such a lifestyle we must act accordingly.
1. Surround yourself with passionate people. This is the foundation. Most people don’t believe you can do work you love because they’re constantly around people who hate their jobs and don’t know what excites them. This has to change. Those around you have everything to do with your success and your belief of what’s possible. You’ll either rise up or sink down depending on who’s next to you.
Passion is contagious. You must have an environment that embodies it. You need a support crew who believes what you believe. People who dream as big as you or bigger. Not only will they give you ideas but they’ll condition the belief that doing what you love is the norm. They fuel our passion and make the unthinkable possible, even normal. You’ll begin to expect the same of yourself.
It’s crucial to get this right. It’s why Leo and I get out on barefoot runs in San Francisco every week or so and why I’m on a quest to document 1,000 people across the world living their dreams. We all need encouragement.
Look around you. Do the people you see inspire and motivate you? Are they doing epic things? Do they love their work? Learn how to make genuine connections with new people doing interesting things. Check Craig’s List, MeetUp, coffee shop bulletin boards, Chamber of Commerce, Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn. Find people in your own town and online. Befriend them. Make them a part of your life. Get out on adventures together. Schedule a weekly dinner or drinks just to talk about what’s exciting. Environment is everything.
2. Create space. If you don’t give big ideas room, they’ll never show up. Purpose and passion are no different. Lack of space creates pressure – the ultimate killer of creativity. And nothing requires more creative juices than passion. Start small with five minutes each morning. Schedule downtime. Start walking to work instead of taking the bus. Don’t multitask. Get out in nature. Just be, let things flow and see what comes up. Give yourself permission to dream. Passion thrives in emptiness.
3. Help someone in a way only you can. We all have natural strengths and talents that can dramatically help those around us. What comes easy for you is no doubt challenging for others. We tend to take these for granted, often hardly noticing our own gifts, and rarely share them with others. Passion comes from using those on a routine basis. Ask yourself, What do people thank you for? What do people routinely ask for your help with? Most people’s passions help others in one way or another. Perhaps for you it’s knitting, teaching children math, cooking a good meal or leading a yoga class. Devote time each day to sharing your talents.
4. Keep a journal of what inspires and excites you. Let your thoughts run wild. Most importantly, keep a running list of what inspires you. Books, magazines, movies, people, products, music, stories, careers, everything. Most people have a brush with passion almost daily, unfortunately we’re often too busy thinking of our 97-item todo list to take in the education. Anytime something catches your eye or excites you, open up your journal and get it onto paper. Over the years you will have a running story of how you might enjoy spending your time.
5. Challenge the norm. Ask questions. Don’t take things as gospel just because that’s how they’ve always been done. Don’t aimlessly listen to those around you. Question everything you’ve been doing and are about to do, especially if you don’t enjoy it. Is it really what you want? Is it in line with who you are? Perhaps there’s a better way. There often is.
6. Scare yourself – Live outside your comfort zone. Passionate people thrive off uncertainty. If you aren’t doing things that give you a few goose bumps you’re either not learning, dying or bored out of your mind. None of which are good. Do something at least mildly uncomfortable daily. This could be as small as making a phone call or sharing your art with someone. Be vulnerable. There’s a pretty direct correlation between pushing limits and epic living.
7. Find the right reasons. If a passionate person gets fired, they brush it off and get excited about the opportunity the lost job must be presenting. You can’t control what happens but you can control your reaction to it. What challenges have come up today? How could you reframe them? The juiciest possibilities often have the best disguises. Notice them.
8. Learn something new. Become obsessed with learning everything you can find – new skills, approaches, ideas, you name it. If it interests you then it’s important enough to get in your brain. We have to fuel what excites us. Grab a magazine or book that interests you and read a few pages on the way to work or before bed. Passionate people almost always have a book within reach. Ideas can be found anywhere. Start looking. Be a sponge.
9. Start at blog. Surprise, surprise, right? But blogs are much more powerful than most realize. They’re a simple way to explore and share the thoughts and beliefs you’re excited about and for people to immediately see and provide feedback. Don’t worry about whether you’ll make money from it or who will read it. That’s not the point. The point is to constantly fuel something that interests you.
For years my wife has loved to cook vegetarian meals. Then last month she started a simple blog and the most fascinating thing started to happen. Her cooking changed from something she simply did, to something she eagerly shared and talked to others about. She suddenly had an audience to teach something she cared about. People started to thank her and cook her meals. Now she wants to do something more with it. Maybe private cooking classes or a recipe book.
This would have never come if she hadn’t taken her interest to the next level. It didn’t have to be a blog. That just happens to be one of the easiest ways of doing it these days. Seriously start a blog. It takes a few hours max. Write about what excites you and nothing else. Publish it for the world to see. Do it daily or weekly. Give your passion room to breathe. See what happens.
Your life’s an experiment
Everything you do, everything you try, everything that does or doesn’t work out, whether you like it or not, it’s all an experiment. It’s up to you to decide to learn from it. That’s the ultimate daily practice.
Test how you can help people. Test what excites you. Test what you like. Test what scares you. Realize that if you do what you’ve always done, your results are never going to change.
Living a life of purpose and passion is just that, a way of life. Those who wake up excited aren’t just the lucky ones, they condition themselves to experience and deserve it.
Scott Dinsmore is the founder of LiveYourLegend, where he writes and helps people discover passion & purpose and do work they love. Check out his latest articles or download his free Epic Work Toolkit.
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How to Be Happy Anytime
Jul 13th
Post written by Leo Babauta.
My friend Barron recently asked, “If you could be anywhere right now, doing anything you want, where would you be? And what would you be doing?”
And my answer was, “I’m always where I want to be, doing what I want to be doing.”
I’ve notice that in the past, like many people, I was always wishing I was doing something different, thinking about what I would do in the future, making plans for my life to come, reading (with jealousy) about cool things other people were doing.
It’s a fool’s game.
Many of us do this, but if you get into the mindset of thinking about what you *could* be doing, you’ll never be happy doing what you actually *are* doing. You’ll compare what you’re doing with what other people (on Facebook and Twitter, perhaps?) are doing. You’ll wish your life were better. You’ll never be satisfied, because there’s *always* something better to do.
Instead, I’ve adopted the mindset that whatever I’m doing right now is perfect. If I’m writing a post, that’s amazing. If I’m reading blog posts on the Internet, that’s interesting. If I’m doing nothing but hanging out with my family, that’s incredible. If I’m walking outside, enjoying the fresh air, that’s beautiful.
There’s nothing I’m ever doing that isn’t the most incredible thing on Earth. If I’m doing something sucky (I can’t remember doing that recently), maybe that’s an invaluable life lesson. If I’m with someone boring or obnoxious, it’s a lesson in patience, or empathy, or in learning to understand people better.
The Now Mindset, In Practice
Let’s say you’re washing the dishes. Wouldn’t you rather be having a delicious meal instead, or talking with your best friend? Sure, those things are great, but they’re only better if you believe they’re better, and more importantly, the comparison is totally unnecessary. Why should you compare what you’re doing now (washing dishes) with anything else? Wouldn’t almost anything lose out if you compare it to something you like more? Will you ever be happy with what you’re doing if you always compare it with something you like more?
Washing dishes can be as great as anything else, if you decide to see it that way. You’re in solitude, which is a beautiful thing. If you do it mindfully, washing dishes can be pleasant as you feel the suds and water in your hands, pay attention to the dish and its texture, notice your breathing and thoughts. It’s meditation, it’s quiet, it’s lovely.
You can say the same of anything. Driving to work? Enjoy the solitude, the chance to be alone with your thoughts, or to listen to music you love, to see the world around you. In a meeting with co-workers? Pay attention to how people talk and interact, learn about the human mind, see yourself in everyone around you, learn to love anyone no matter who they are, practice giving up expectations of who people should be or what this meeting should be like.
I’m always happy with what I’m doing, because I don’t compare it to anything else, and instead pay close attention to the activity itself. I’m always happy with whoever I’m with, because I learn to see the perfection in every person. I’m always happy with where I am, because there’s no place on Earth that’s not a miracle.
Life will suck if you are always wishing you’re doing something else. Life will rock if you realize you’re already doing the best thing ever.
The Zen Habits of Teen-agers
Jul 7th
Post written by Leo Babauta.
How do you improve your life and find happiness when you’re a teen-ager, and can’t control much of your life?
You change what you can control, and let go of trying to control everything else.
Several teen-agers have written to me recently, asking for a post on how to improve their lives when they’re still under their parents’ control.
It’s not easy, I’ll admit. But there’s a lot you can do, no matter what your situation.
For example … if your parents are constantly getting mad at you, constantly negative, constantly controlling your life and not letting you do what you want to do, how do you handle that?
Try this:
Look at every interaction with your parents as an opportunity.
It’s an opportunity to practice patience.
It’s an opportunity to empathize and find compassion for others.
It’s an opportunity to let go of your expectations of what others should do.
It’s an opportunity to stop wishing things were other than they are.
It’s an opportunity to be grateful in the face of frustrations.
I know that it’s frustrating when you can’t do what you want to do. Teen-agers are rapidly becoming adults, and yet they’re not given the freedom, the respect, the rights of adults.
As a side note, this seems wrong to me. Why don’t we give teen-agers the freedoms of adults? I know most of you will have reasons, but say them out loud … and then think of how you’d feel if your spouse or friend used that as a reason to deny you of freedoms. And think of how those same reasons were used to deny minorities and women those same freedoms, not too long ago.
Anyhow, this is the world we live in. So how can teens cope with this? Some suggestions:
1. Stop trying to change what you can’t. You cannot change your parents. You might be able to change your situation with drastic moves, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Instead, let go of the wishes you have that things were different. Things aren’t different, and wishing they were different just leads to frustrations. Accept things for what they are, see people for who they are, and work with that reality.
2. Figure out what you can change. Even if you have few freedoms, there are always small things you can change. Can you spend a few minutes doing sitting meditation? Can you eat more fruits & veggies? Can you walk more? Can you watch less TV and find a few minutes to create? Can you blog? Can you do some pushups in your room? Can you learn to be more grateful in every interaction with others? Can you slow down a bit? Can you smile more? There are lots and lots of small changes you can make, even if you can’t make the big ones you’d like to make.
3. You can always change your mind. Learn to live in the moment. Learn to be mindful of your thoughts. Learn to squash negative thinking. Learn to see the opportunities in everything. Learn to see mistakes and failures as an opportunity to learn and improve. Learn to be grateful, and compassionate, and kind.
4. Learn to live without control. If you don’t control much of your life, guess what? You’re like the rest of us. We only think we have control over our lives, but it’s an illusion. Instead, learn to give up that control, and deal moment to moment with what comes.
I’m no longer a teen-ager, so what I say might seem irrelevant, presumptuous. But I was a teen-ager once, and I am the father of three teens (and one pre-teen). I am a brother to two teens and uncle to many more. I do my best to show them respect and compassion, but know that they still feel frustrations. If they could learn these few lessons, they’d be far ahead of most people.
Post-script: A reader suggested I add a caveat, which I hadn’t thought of: teens who are in living situations involving physical or sexual abuse need to tell someone and get help. This isn’t in contradiction with my advice actually — it’s learning that you can control bad situations by getting help from others.
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Book Review: The 7 Timeless Habits of Happiness by Henrik Edberg
Jul 6th
“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” – Aristotle
“Life wasn’t all too bad really, but I wasn’t that happy either,” recalls Henrik Edberg, creator of The Positivity Blog and author of The 7 Timeless Habits of Happiness. “I think the problem was that I didn’t understand myself or the world around that well. I didn’t understand what I needed to do to create a happier life for myself.” Well, now he does:
1. Choose Happiness
“Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” – Abraham Lincoln
Misery and happiness aren’t about external circumstances; they are a conscious choice. “You choose each day what you focus on and how you interpret your reality,” Edberg writes. So instead of seeing the world and yourself “through a lens smudged by negativity”, you consciously choose to look outwards and inwards “through a lens brightened by positivity”. This could involve being grateful for what you have, spending time in an environment of happiness with people who lift you up, and choosing positive information such as personal development reading over negative information like endless news reports.
For more, see The Gift of Gratitude and Thoughts on Happiness
2. Get Your Physical Fundamentals in Shape
“Those who think they have no time for healthy eating will sooner or later have to find time for illness.” – Edward Stanley
“How we manage our body has a huge, huge impact on our thoughts, emotions and everything that happens in our personal world,” Edberg explains. This is why we need to eat healthy, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep.
For more, see No More Stress: Part One and The Secret of Dreams by Yacki Raizizun
3. Create an Action Habit
“Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” – Benjamin Disraeli
It’s been said that the only place success comes before work is in the dictionary. We need to stop waiting for other people to solve our problems and take action in order to see results. Use a morning ritual, do things even if you don’t feel like it, and take responsibility for the process, not the potential results.
For more, see Get the Edge and The Seven Habits: Part Two
4. Be Here Now
“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Buddha
Guess what? The past and future don’t exist. They are simply thoughts arising in the present moment. By focusing on the present, we can improve our social skills (no more thinking of what to say when you should be listening to what’s being said), improve our creativity (no more worrying about what others will think of our work), and release stress. And by focusing on what’s in front of us (through practices like guided meditation and breathing techniques), we also learn to appreciate our world more.
For more, see Focus by Leo Babauta (Part 5 of 5) and Carpe Diem!
5. Help and Make Other People Happy
“If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help someone else.” – Chinese Proverb
“When you do the right thing and make people happy you feel good about yourself,” Edberg points out. “When you make someone else happy you can sense, see, feel and hear it. And that happy feeling flows back to you.” Give value by bringing a positive attitude to your interactions, giving useful advice, or offering a listening ear to someone who needs it. And let’s not forget about smiles and hugs! Even though people may not always appreciate what you do or feel compelled to reciprocate, you should still persist and feel good for doing so.
For more, see People Policy and Relationship Review
6. Do What You Love to Do
“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” – Albert Schweitzer
The fact that you’re working at a full-time job doesn’t mean you can’t (or shouldn’t) pursue your passions on the side. “There is always time,” Edberg explains. Things won’t always be great but the work won’t feel as hard nor will you have to force yourself to perform. Spend some time exploring and asking questions to bring clarity. Most importantly, remember to add value to the world and not simply to yourself. “By using your talents and skills and at the same time helping people and giving them value in some way you can find the opportunities to both do what you love and to earn money to support yourself from it.”
For more, see Seven Keys to Discovering Your Passion by Jonathan Mead and Success Built to Last
7. Let Go
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu
So much of our suffering is caused by our clinging. We hold on to who we are and what we believe to the point where we must always be right. We hold on to things that are impermanent and things we think will make us happy even though they never really do. Sometimes we simply need to accept things as they are and then let them go. We need to stop trying to control everything and stop fussing over things that don’t even matter. And while it may be hard at first, it gets easier as time passes. Our happiness depends on it.
For more, see You’re Worth It! and No More Stress: Part Three
Conclusion
Edberg admits that this book won’t solve all your problems or make you happy all the time. But he firmly believes that with some effort and persistence, focusing on one aspect at a time, you can start to see major differences in your life as was the case for him. What do you think? Are there any other habits of happiness you would add? Please share your thoughts in the comments!
Got Goals? 4 Tips from Real People That Achieved Real Goals
Jul 5th
As an alternative to posting the hackneyed advice of self-proclaimed life coaches and storytellers (e.g. Tony Robbins, Tim Ferriss, etc…), I thought I’d collect and share advice from real people in the mySomeday community that achieved real goals. In the past, they admitted to having issues with finishing what they started. ”So, what was different this time?”, I asked. Although they all agreed that building a detailed step-by-step Plan was essential, each had a unique aspect to that Plan that kept them motivated. Here are their tips.
1. Break It Down
Maia was determined to get out of credit card debt but was daunted and occasionally paralyzed by the enormity of the goal. She decided to break down the path into clear, achievable steps and discovered that checking off smaller to-dos generated real momentum. These small flashes of progress kept her head in the game and allowed her to continue to believe that the goal would someday be reality. Maia is convinced that taking the time to break down the path into incremental steps made the difference for her.
2. Picture It
Globehound turned 40 and decided it was time to go back to the future and get back in shape. To stay motivated, he strategically placed unflattering pictures of himself in various places next to images of people he’d like to emulate. This ‘in your face’ approach worked wonders. Whenever he felt lazy or was eyeing that bag of Doritos, he’d take a quick look at the pictures and the urge was squashed. Now that he’s back in shape, he posted before and after pictures of himself as a constant reminder of a place he does not wish to return. Globehound was adamant, this visual anchor located in a prominent place had a profound impact on his ability to stick to his plan.
3. Broadcast It
Christine wanted to change careers. She knew it for a long time but it wasn’t until she shared this goal with friends and family that she started to make real strides. Knowing that others were watching and rooting for her proved to be just the motivation she needed to continue to check off steps in her plan. She used the ‘Share’ option on the Someday page and broadcast her intentions to her Facebook Wall. It profoundly affected the accountability factor by adding social pressure and expectations to the mix and Christine says it was just what she needed to make the move from consulting to fashion.
4. Make It About Something Bigger Than You
A4S4L4 had run a half-marathon before but she was feeling a bit unmotivated this time around. Someone suggested that she make someone else the beneficiary of her efforts. She built a plan to run a half-marathon and included a charitable partner. Knowing that her efforts would do good beyond personal satisfaction gave her a real sense of necessity. If she was in a rut, she would visit the charity’s website and suddenly her laziness felt insignificant. She claimed that adding this one element shifted her entire perspective and gave her massive amounts of motivation.
Got any stories or motivational tips? Please share. We’re always looking to incorporate new elements into our site to increase the motivation and accountability factors.
Why Sadness is Your Friend
Jul 1st
Recently, we looked at “Why Fear is Your Friend,” and learned that Fear can guide you towards what’s important for you, motivate you to take action to improve your odds, and you give you a rush. This week, we discuss why Sadness is your friend. OK, you probably think that idea is nuts. Who wants to be Sad? Well, OK, I get that, Sadness sometimes feels bad, but I want you to get that like Fear, Sadness can be a good friend.
“All well and good, Master Yoda,” you say, “but how does that work?”
First, Sadness is about losing something you care about, whether that’s a loved one, a job, or a football game…so, Sadness shows you what you care about (because some people honestly don’t know, and that’s, well, SAD!) Would you feel Sadness if your girlfriend / boyfriend left? The answer tells you how attached you are to this person. How Sad would you feel if you lost your job? You see where this is going.
Along the same lines, experiencing the Sadness of loss helps us to appreciate what we still have. Losing a loved one, while extremely Sad and painful, can be the kick in the pants we need to mend the fences, reach out, or otherwise make the best of the relationships and opportunities we still have. Funerals are painful and gut-wrenching occasions, and they are great for bringing people back together, burying old conflicts, healing wounds, but it only works if you show up and feel the Sadness and let it bring you together with the others there. One who can’t bear Sadness will tend to shy away from love, commitment, and real passion, in order to avoid grief, and that’s an empty life.
Similarly, losing a job can help you appreciate that you still have your health. Losing your health can bring loved ones together. Losing money can help you to focus on what really matters to you, your values, your sense of mission, your spirituality.
Lastly, Sadness has authenticity to it. Grieving has a way of slowing you down and bringing you back to the moment. It forces you to let go of your worries about your to-do list and next quarter’s numbers and your fast-paced life and really be with yourself, your feelings and the people around you. This is important today because we can get so lost in our smart phones and emails and plans and lose sight of people, relationships, and dreams.
So, this week’s bottom line is that Sadness shows you what you care about, Sadness helps us to appreciate what we have, and Sadness requires us to be authentic. This is the kind of friend who can help you to stay grounded and real, to honor what’s important and let go of what’s not, and we all need that kind of friend.
Toss Your Expectations Into the Ocean
Jun 29th
‘Act without expectation.’ ~Lao Tzu
Post written by Leo Babauta.
How much of your stress, frustration, disappointment, anger, irritation, pissed-offedness comes from one little thing?
Almost all of it comes from your expectations, and when things (inevitably) don’t turn out as we expect, from wishing things were different.
We build these expectations in our heads of what other people should do, what our lives should be like, how other drivers should behave … and yet it’s all fantasy. It’s not real.
And when reality doesn’t meet our fantasy, we wish the world were different.
Here’s a simple solution:
Take your expectations, and throw them in the ocean.
Picture all the expectations you have for yourself, your life, your spouse, your kids, your coworkers, your job, the world. Take them from inside you, and toss them in the ocean. A river or lake will also do.
What happens to them? They float. They’re carried around by waves. The current takes them out, and they drift away. Let them be washed away by the cleansing waters, and let them go.
Now live your life without them.
What’s a life without expectations like? It means you accept reality as it is, and people as they are, without expectations, without trying to force people into the containers you have for them, seeing things as they are. It’s a life where you don’t need to be disappointed or frustrated or angry — or if you are, you accept it, and then let it go.
That’s not to say you never act — you can act in a way that’s in accordance with your values, and influence the world, but never have an expectation of how the world will react to your actions.
If you do something good, you won’t expect praise or appreciation. Let those expectations of reward and praise float away with the waves. Do good because you love doing good, and expect nothing beyond that.
Pay attention to your thoughts. Don’t beat yourself up if you have expectations. Just see them. Then toss them in the ocean.
Notice if you start to wish things weren’t the way they are. If you wish someone else didn’t do something, notice that. You have expectations, and you wish people or the world could have met them instead of doing what they actually did. Toss those wishes in the ocean too. Now accept things, and move on.
Let the waters of the world cleanse us, and let us walk lightly in a world that is already wonderful without our fantasies.
‘I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.’ ~Dalai Lama
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The Comparison Trap
Jun 1st
Post written by Leo Babauta.
I love reading about other people’s work setups, I really do. It’s one of my guilty pleasures.
I’ll read about another blogger’s computer setup, or what kind of notebook and pen he uses, or how he works standing up or on a treadmill or while doing handstand pushups and growing a vegetable garden.
And when I read about some cool setup someone else has, some cool new way of working, I inevitably want to try it. I’m only human.
You’ve done this too, probably. You might read a review of some new software that will help you create, or a new fashion style or some cool shoes or beautiful furniture or the newest iPad, or the latest iPhone app. Or maybe you’re a minimalist and read someone’s barefoot running article, or how they’re living out of a backpack, and want to try that.
It’s a trap.
We’re endlessly looking at how others do things, for inspiration and ideas … but we end up wanting to try those things too. That sounds harmless until you realize that you’ll buy almost anything because someone wrote about it and made it sound amazing. You’ll live a life of an endless series of purchases because of what other people are doing. And it never ends.
Even if you don’t buy stuff, you’ll change your life endlessly, based on what others are doing. You’ll give up your couch, you’ll stop buying Ikea furniture, then give up your cell phone, then give up your computer, then start doing yoga, then become a Zen monk, then create a tech startup. Those things are amazing, sure … but when does it ever end?
When do we ever feel content with the life we’re living?
If you look to the lives of others,
you’ll always find yourself lacking.
Look instead at what you have,
and be grateful.
Reduce your needs,
and be content.
And your life of striving
for perfection, for the future,
will become a life of balance,
of the moment, of inner peace.
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How to Be Irresistible at Any Age
May 23rd
Editors’ Note: This is a guest post from Christopher Foster of The Happy Seeker.
Many years ago, when I was a young fellow of 23, I said goodbye to my native England and journeyed to British Columbia. My heart said I would find meaning and freedom in that big, wild country. About a year after arriving in BC my entire life changed in an instant one summer afternoon.
A friend had arranged for me to meet a British lord named Martin Cecil. He was a member of a famous British family, a well-known B.C. cattleman and also leader of a spiritual community in the interior B.C.
I had a good job as a reporter in Victoria, B.C., but wanted to learn more about this community. I had a strong feeling that I would know, as soon as I met Martin Cecil, if I could trust him — and if the community was the right thing for me.
No sooner did he get out of his chair and walk toward me than I knew instinctively that I could trust him – and wanted to join the community. He was irresistible. He didn’t have to say a word. I felt the peace of his presence. I felt his integrity in his smile and in his clear blue eyes.
I felt the strength, love, wisdom and utter dependability of his character and the truth is I was part of the community he founded in the Cariboo country of BC for 36 years.
Do you want to be irresistible?
Do you want to be irresistible? It’s quite simple. All you have to do is to be true to your own true character, and express that character in living.
But how do we do that? How do we access the gold of love and truth that is buried deep in every one of us? And what is it anyway, this authentic character that is our true wealth and the greatest gift, really, that we have to give to our world?
Here are some ways to express true character
1. Learn from nature.
If you want to be irresistible, what better place to start than studying nature? Nature doesn’t seem to find it hard to be irresistible. Whether nature is being a daffodil, a tree, a hurricane, or the roar in a lion’s throat, it simply IS irresistible.
One of the things I love most about nature is its patience. Consider, for example, how a young tree grows. It takes its time. It doesn’t just try to push itself out of the ground by brute force, it spirals its way out of the ground – gently, but very persistently. I can say, after 79 years of living on this planet, that quaint though it may sound, this approach really works. It can get you through a lot of difficult situations, too.
2. Be still.
“Silence,” says an ancient Native Indian tradition “is the cornerstone of true character.” We live in a culture that is very oriented to doing and achieving. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But if we want to deepen our connection with our own being, with our own true character, we must take some time every now and again to simply be still.
“Be still, and know that I am God,” said the Psalmist, and the words are the compass of my life.
The interesting thing is that sometimes, a few moments consciously “not doing” can actually increase our creativity and productivity no end. It can also help us in connecting more deeply with our own inner wisdom. History is full of tales of famous people who had their “breakthrough” moments when, strangely enough, they weren’t doing anything. In fact they may have given up on their project altogether.
3. Be persistent.
I recently created a course on the theme of “happy aging” that I’m offering at my blog on May 23 entitled “How to look (and feel) 10 years younger: The true promise and potential of aging.” I share my own experience that aging is nothing to fear, but can be a door to true meaning and happiness at any age. And I share how though our physical form ages, our unconquerable spirit never grows old.
I can tell you that finishing “The True Promise and Potential of Aging” over the last few months with serious help from Mary Jaksch of the A-List Blogger Club has been like giving birth.
It’s called for every ounce of persistence that is in me. Please don’t give up on any true and worthwhile endeavor in which you may be engaged. Don’t give up on a single one of your dreams or goals, if they are true dreams and true goals. We live in a benevolent universe and all you need is persistence and a little wisdom and your dreams will come true.
4. Value little moments as much as big ones.
When we are expressing true character we appreciate the little moments of life and care for them to the best of our ability just as much as we honor the “big” moments.
I used to marvel at how my mentor, Martin, would take so much care with cutting his lawn or fixing a broken toilet. Walking into a coffee shop, for example, or into a food market, listening to a stream or watching children at play – it’s all an opportunity to step back from our conditioned existence and celebrate the joy and spontaneity of life.
5. Love balance.
We live in a loving universe that relies on balance. If we would be true to our own true character we too must love balance and seek balance at all times. For example, it seems paradoxical, but only the strong can be gentle. And although I find great delight, especially as I get older, in sometimes simply sitting in a chair doing nothing, life demands action and creativity too.
6. Be interested in other people.
If you really want to be irresistible, be genuinely interested in what someone else is interested in. If you can find out what makes someone excited or happy – their eyes will glow and friendship will flow.
7. Be kind.
Be kind to yourself and others. Sometimes, caught up in some important task, we put undue pressure on ourselves or another. It’s important to be kind and gracious to everything and everyone we meet. It is not weak to be kind. It is a mark of true character — it reveals the love at the core of our being.
Read more from Christopher at The Happy Seeker. Please check out my course How to look (and feel) 10 years younger in 4 weeks for more details and for special prices now in effect.