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Leo
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Homepage: http://zenhabits.net
Posts by Leo
It’s Not Too Late to Change Your Habits
Feb 21st
Post written by Leo Babauta.
A (slightly) older reader wrote to me recently, wanting to know how to change her bad habits ingrained after so many many years of doing them. She wanted to know, “Is it too late to change?”
And I can understand the feeling. Doing bad habits for years makes them deeply entrenched, and getting out of that trench might seem impossible, hopeless.
I once was stuck, and felt the weight of built up bad habits crushing, smothering, burying me. I felt helpless, like I had no control over myself, and was too discouraged to even try to change.
This discouragement is what does it. It’s not that changing bad habits is impossible. But if we are so discouraged we don’t try, we will never change them. To try and to fail is of little consequence, but to never start at all is fatal to the habit change.
And I’m here to tell you, that changing bad habits is not impossible. No matter how long you’ve done them, no matter how many decades.
It can be done. By you. By taking a single step.
Here’s how.
Know as you start that you aren’t changing a mountain. You don’t have to change years of bad actions. Those actions are gone — they’ve evaporated into the ether, and you can forget them. Forgive yourself for them, then forget them.
You don’t need to run a marathon to change a habit. You just need to take a step. And you can take a step.
Consider for a moment your bad habit. You might have a dozen, but choose an easy one. Not the one you’re most afraid of — the one you think you can lick.
Take a step back and think about this habit. When do you do it? What things trigger the habit — stress, food, drinking, socializing, boredom, sadness, waking, being criticized? What need does the habit fulfill for you? Know that it does fulfill a real need, and that’s why you keep doing it.
Realize something — stop here to drive home for yourself a crucial, crucial point: you must realize that you don’t need this habit to fulfill this need. You don’t need the habit. You can deal with stress in healthier ways. You can beat boredom. You can cope. You do not need the habit, and you will learn better ones with practice.
You might be feeling a bit overwhelmed at this point, but you’ve done the hardest part. Now you just need to take one more little step.
Commit to yourself to make a small tiny insignificant but powerful step each day. Commit fully, not half-assed. Commit by writing it down, and putting it up on your wall. Commit by telling a friend about it, and asking for help. Commit by putting it on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, your blog, a forum you frequent. Be all in.
Find a replacement habit. One that is healthier. One that fulfills the need. One that is easy. One that you can do after your trigger, instead of your bad habit. One that you enjoy and will look forward to. If you need to relieve stress, for example, consider walking, or pushups, or deep breathing, or self-massage.
You’re now ready to climb out of your trench. Remember, just a tiny tiny step.
Notice your urge to do the habit. Pause. Don’t do the bad habit. Let the urge pass, then do your new replacement habit.
Repeat, noticing the urge, letting the urge pass, not doing the bad habit, doing the good habit instead. You might mess up, but that’s OK. You’ll get better with practice.
Practice as often as you can, every day. You’ll get really good at it. Don’t worry about how long it takes. Keep doing it, one urge at a time.
Know, Consider, Realize, Commit, Find, Notice, Repeat, Practice. These are easy steps that don’t take a lot of work. You can do them as you sit here, reading this post.
It’s never too late. There is no habit that can’t be broken by the pressure of a single footprint. Make that footprint by taking a single step, today.
Clutterfree Inspiration: Two Beautiful Transformations
Feb 17th
Post written by Leo Babauta.
Today I’m going to share the stories (and photos) of two people who tackled their clutter and lived to tell the tale.
Not only did they survive, they can serve as inspiration for anyone else who feels hopeless and helpless in the face of mountains of clutter. It’s possible, and we have the proof.
What follows are stories from Sarah and Rick, two amazing students in the Clutterfree Course. Read about two more transformations on Be More With Less by Courtney Carver, my partner in the Clutterfree Course.
Sarah
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| Sarah’s Clutterfree Transformation |
In Sarah’s words:
De-cluttering has taught me a lot about myself:
- As a child we were in a financial difficult situation (parents divorced and my mum on her own with three children). So being able to buy stuff was not that much about the stuff itself but rather about the ability to do so.
- That I shop when I am emotionally stressed and addressed this issue.
- That I do not want to spend valuable time with my partner making spending decisions so I’d rather stop buying and have quality time.
- That I can embrace free space and that it is beautiful – before I had the urge to fill space so it feels more comfy and homey.
- That de-cluttering makes me happy.
Decluttering is tightly linked to reduced shopping and saving money: I actually started with decluttering because I thought that this is the most fun way of saving money and I was very right. The more I declutter, the more I diminish my desire to buy stuff and realise that it is very satisfying and freeing to own less.
Decluttering makes you more creative – I chose so many gifts for friends from my de-cluttered items that made people very happy. I like this. So rather than going shopping I look into my shelves I have reserved for de-cluttered items that are nice presents to give away. Similarly, if I feel that I need something I first look around my flat if I can repurpose something I already have to serve the need I have. I was quite surprised with what I came up with.
De-cluttering makes cleaning so much easier and fun and I feel so much more in control now and do not have this underlying feeling of the weighing down of stuff and I spent less and less time with household chores! I did not believe before that visual clutter is such a stressor.
Tips
I declutter every day for 8 minutes as an established habit according to Leo’s simple method for habit creation – but I sometimes mix it up and do a number goal decluttering. For example if I focus on the bathroom – each time I go to the bathroom I will choose three items that will leave the bathroom with me.
It’s good to have an idea of what to do with the won space – so my motivation to get rid of the chest of drawer was to be able to put a nice reading chair there instead. Or for the shed – I want to put the bikes there. That helps so much to get rid of a lot of things and knowing why I am doing it.
Colour code your wardrobe – I heard this tip from Peter Walsh and arranged my wardrobe that way. Also have same type of hangers now and it looks so neat indeed.
Remaining issues:
- I still have to tackle how to deal with some items that I attach a lot of memory to and learn how I can let go of it.
- Not patronise and preach to other about de-cluttering, especially my partner. Just being an example of a happy de-clutter is enough and will have some consequences on people around me and if not that is fine too – I can learn from that!
- How best deal with valuable items that you are willing to declutter but reluctant to donate. But then the hassle of selling stuff should not be underestimated. Maybe donating for a good cause?
Clutterfat challenge – what worked best?
- Being part of a group: for me it is important to be able to exchange on ideas, experience and to motivate each other to declutter and being accountable to get the work done each day.
- Taking before and after photos: I could not face the thought of having to count my stuff, so I took photos and it really motivated me to see how far I got and what transformations are possible in such a short time – this is important for the days I do not feel like doing my decluttering habit.
- Using the month of January to focus on my decluttering habit: I established decluttering as a daily habit of 8 minutes every day following Leo’s simple method – tiny steps every day can get you far, it is amazing!
- Choosing specific areas to declutter: For example I choose my desk, two shelfs and the shed and did not tackle the whole flat at once and I had an aim with the space that I could free of clutter – e.g. put a nice reading chair for the space I gained from getting rid of the chest of drawers next to my desk.
Clutterfat challenge – how does it feel?
If someone would have told me a couple of months ago that I would enjoy decluttering and that it is a life changing habit, I would not have believed it. But it is true for me. Decluttering is fun and feels very liberating. It brings order into my physical world but I also learn so much about myself and feel more in control – definetly a habit to keep for life. So I will continue to free myself of my clutterfat!
Rick
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| Rick Before |
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| Rick After |
In Rick’s words:
Thoughts on the Process
- You need to be ready for it. What is the old saying? When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. That was certainly the case here. When Leo wrote about the Clutterfree book and course, the message really struck a chord with me. I knew I was ready to make some changes in my life. I can’t say that I was anticipating everything that was about to unfold. But the Clutterfree course came to me right at the time I was ready to receive it. There is no way I would have been able to do this work five/ten years ago. I just wasn’t ready for it.
- Doing it together helps. I started talking about the course with my significant other, Amy. One of the things we decided to do was to limit the number of physical Christmas presents we would exchange. Amy agreed that one of the “gifts” she would give me this year was to share the experience of going through the course with me. Having my partner on board with this undertaking made things so much easier. I seriously doubt if either of us would have made the progress we have made so far without the support of each other. Just having someone to talk to – about the concepts in the class, the emotional issues that arise during the process, the things with which you are struggling – is so very helpful.
- Set ground rules. Since we were both going to be dealing with issues that arose as we let things go, we decided it was important to set some ground rules. Our most important rule – each of us had to deal with our own stuff. I would not force or press her to get rid of anything that was “hers”. And she would not press me to get rid of anything that was “mine”. For the many things that are joint property, whoever had the stronger emotional attachment to the item got to decide what to do with it. We promised each other that the most we would ever do to question the decision to keep any particular item is to pick it up, look at the other person and say, “Seriously?!?” then walk away. We’ve kept to these rules pretty well so far.
- Set your goals. Before this class, I was only vaguely aware of the whole minimalism movement. Early on in the process, we talked about what we wanted out of the course. We realized we have no desire to live in a tiny home, or to dress using only 33 items. I have been describing my goal for the course like this… I do not desire to create the perfectly empty “zen” home. However, I would like to use any random horizontal surface in my house without first having to move a bunch of stuff. You need to decide what living “clutter free” means for you.
- Things will get messier before it gets better. Both literally and figuratively. Half way through the process, everything will be pulled out and dumped in the center of the room. You will create additional clutter as you set aside items to sell, or fill boxes of items to donate. Be ready for it.
- Get ready to deal with emotional issues. Things will probably get emotionally “messy” as well. One of the big reasons we hold onto items we no longer need or use is that we have imbued the items with emotional meaning. Perhaps we have tied certain objects to our sense of identity. Identifying those emotional issues and then dealing with them is a huge part of the process. I read the Clutterfree book pretty quickly over the holidays. But the course forced me to actually implement the ideas and make real changes. It is one thing to understand the concepts on an intellectual level. It is quite another to dive in and deal with your crap (both physical and emotional).
What Worked Best
The course materials Courtney & Leo provided each week were great! I particularly enjoyed the audio interviews, video lessons, and the weekly webinars & live chats.
The ideas that worked best for me:
- Taking “before” pictures. In the first week of the class, Leo gave us the assignment to count everything in our home. The idea was to record where we were at the beginning so we could look back at the end and see how far we had come. I found this assignment totally daunting. So I modified it. Rather than counting, I took pictures. These “before” pictures were very helpful. They forced me to actually see many things I had slowly taught myself to not notice. The pictures helped to remove my mental blinders and notice the things I didn’t want to see.
- Every thing needs a “home” where it needs to “live” when not in use. And no object “lives” on the floor (other than carpets or furniture). If you can’t find a home for an object, you don’t have space for it in your life.
- Focus on clearing one area at a time. One item at a time.
- Make conscious decisions. For me this included consciously deciding to not focus on particular areas – at least not yet. For example, I knew I was nowhere near ready to tackle clearing my music CDs or movie DVDs. These areas got a “weeding”, but not the full de-clutter treatment. Maybe someday I’ll tackle these areas. But not today.
- Identify the the “why”. For each item in your house, ask yourself, “Do you love it? Do you use it?” If the answer is no, then why do you still have it? Really delve into that “why” for each item. Are you keeping it “just in case?” Are you putting emotions into that item? What does that item represent for you? Why? Why? Why?
- Share the ideas. You only really understand something if you can teach it to someone else. I talked a lot about the ideas in the course – with Amy, with friends, with co-workers, with the other people in the class. The more I shared these ideas, the more I owned them myself. Sharing ideas via the class message board also helped me greatly. The message boards helped me work through some of the emotions I had attached to things.
- Be kind with yourself. This process will take longer than you think it will. Don’t worry about it. It is about making progress. Each person will progress at his or her own rate. Focus on the progress you are making. Do not be concerned about how fast or slow things are going.
How it Feels
How does it feel? It feels great!
Being in these rooms is so much nicer now. They feel much more calm, much more inviting. They are now places I actually want to spend my time.
I find that I am much more content to spend time at home. One night we were sitting in the living room and Amy turned to me and said, “Just look at this place! It looks like grown-ups live here.” We shared a good laugh at that!
Not that we are “done” – or that we will ever be “done.”
We still have lots to do as we work to finish this first big de-clutter.
It is also a challenge to keep the rooms we have cleared from backsliding. It is easy to let things accumulate. Especially as we move everything out of a new area to de-clutter that.
But we are making progress. We’ve started saying things like, “I know this thing doesn’t live here. But I just need to leave it here until ___.”
We’re not perfect. (Whatever that means.) But we are making more conscious decisions about our stuff and about how we live.
From Leo: Thanks for the inspiration, Sarah and Rick! Courtney and I wrote the Clutterfree book to help you understand the emotion behind holding onto clutter and to give you the motivation and momentum to let it go and live without it forever. Read the book and share your challenges and success in the Clutterfree Forum.
9 Essential Skills Kids Should Learn
Feb 14th
Post written by Leo Babauta.
Kids in today’s school system are not being prepared well for tomorrow’s world.
As someone who went from the corporate world and then the government world to the ever-changing online world, I know how the world of yesterday is rapidly becoming irrelevant. I was trained in the newspaper industry, where we all believed we would be relevant forever — and I now believe will go the way of the horse and buggy.
Unfortunately, I was educated in a school system that believed the world in which it existed would remain essentially the same, with minor changes in fashion. We were trained with a skill set that was based on what jobs were most in demand in the 1980s, not what might happen in the 2000s.
And that kinda makes sense, given that no one could really know what life would be like 20 years from now. Imagine the 1980s, when personal computers were still fairly young, when faxes were the cutting-edge communication technology, when the Internet as we now know it was only the dream of sci-fi writers like William Gibson.
We had no idea what the world had in store for us.
And here’s the thing: we still don’t. We never do. We have never been good at predicting the future, and so raising and educating our kids as if we have any idea what the future will hold is not the smartest notion.
How then to prepare our kids for a world that is unpredictable, unknown? By teaching them to adapt, to deal with change, to be prepared for anything by not preparing them for anything specific.
This requires an entirely different approach to child-rearing and education. It means leaving our old ideas at the door, and reinventing everything.
My drop-dead gorgeous wife Eva (yes, I’m a very lucky man) and I are among those already doing this. We homeschool our kids — more accurately, we unschool them. We are teaching them to learn on their own, without us handing knowledge down to them and testing them on that knowledge.
It is, admittedly, a wild frontier, and most of us who are experimenting with unschooling will admit that we don’t have all the answers, that there is no set of “best practices”. But we also know that we are learning along with our kids, and that not knowing can be a good thing — an opportunity to find out, without relying on established methods that might not be optimal.
I won’t go too far into methods here, as I find them to be less important than ideas. Once you have some interesting ideas to test, you can figure out an unlimited amount of methods, and so my dictating methods would be too restrictive.
Instead, let’s look at a good set of essential skills that I believe children should learn, that will best prepare them for any world of the future. I base these on what I have learned in three different industries, especially the world of online entreprenurship, online publishing, online living … and more importantly, what I have learned about learning and working and living in a world that will never stop changing.
1. Asking questions. What we want most for our kids, as learners, is to be able to learn on their own. To teach themselves anything. Because if they can, then we don’t need to teach them everything — whatever they need to learn in the future, they can do on their own. The first step in learning to teach yourself anything is learning to ask questions. Luckily, kids do this naturally — our hope is to simply encourage it. A great way to do this is by modeling it. When you and your child encounter something new, ask questions, and explore the possible answers with your child. When he does ask questions, reward the child instead of punishing him (you might be surprised how many adults discourage questioning).
2. Solving problems. If a child can solve problems, she can do any job. A new job might be intimidating to any of us, but really it’s just another problem to be solved. A new skill, a new environment, a new need … they’re all simply problems to be solved. Teach your child to solve problems by modeling simple problem solving, then allowing her to do some very easy ones on her own. Don’t immediately solve all your child’s problems — let her fiddle with them and try various possible solutions, and reward such efforts. Eventually, your child will develop confidence in her problem-solving abilities, and then there is nothing she can’t do.
3. Tackling projects. As an online entrepreneur, I know that my work is a series of projects, sometimes related, sometimes small and sometimes large (which are usually a group of smaller projects). I also know that there isn’t a project I can’t tackle, because I’ve done so many of them. This post is a project. Writing a book is a project. Selling the book is another project. Work on projects with your kid, letting him see how it’s done by working with you, then letting him do more and more by himself. As he gains confidence, let him tackle more on his own. Soon, his learning will just be a series of projects that he’s excited about.
4. Finding passion. What drives me is not goals, not discipline, not external motivation, not reward … but passion. When I’m so excited that I can’t stop thinking about something, I will inevitably dive into it fully committed, and most times I’ll complete the project and love doing it. Help your kid find things she’s passionate about — it’s a matter of trying a bunch of things, finding ones that excite her the most, helping her really enjoy them. Don’t discourage any interest — encourage them. Don’t suck the fun out of them either — make them rewarding.
5. Independence. Kids should be taught to increasingly stand on their own. A little at a time, of course. Slowly encourage them to do things on their own. Teach them how to do it, model it, help them do it, help less, then let them make their own mistakes. Give them confidence in themselves by letting them have a bunch of successes, and letting them solve the failures. Once they learn to be independent, they learn that they don’t need a teacher, a parent, or a boss to tell them what to do. They can manage themselves, and be free, and figure out the direction they need to take on their own.
6. Being happy on their own. Too many of us parents coddle our kids, keeping them on a leash, making them rely on our presence for happiness. When the kid grows up, he doesn’t know how to be happy. He must immediately attach to a girlfriend or friends. Failing that, they find happiness in other external things — shopping, food, video games, the Internet. But if a child learns from an early age that he can be happy by himself, playing and reading and imagining, he has one of the most valuable skills there is. Allow your kids to be alone from an early age. Give them privacy, have times (such as the evening) when parents and kids have alone time.
7. Compassion. One of the most essential skills ever. We need this to work well with others, to care for people other than ourselves, to be happy by making others happy. Modeling compassion is the key. Be compassionate to your child at all times, and to others. Show them empathy by asking how they think others might feel, and thinking aloud about how you think others might feel. Demonstrate at every opportunity how to ease the suffering of others when you’re able, how to make others happier with small kindnesses, how that can make you happier in return.
8. Tolerance. Too often we grow up in an insulated area, where people are mostly alike (at least in appearance), and when we come into contact with people who are different, it can be uncomfortable, shocking, fear-inducing. Expose your kids to people of all kinds, from different races to different sexuality to different mental conditions. Show them that not only is it OK to be different, but that differences should be celebrated, and that variety is what makes life so beautiful.
9. Dealing with change. I believe this will be one of the most essential skills as our kids grow up, as the world is always changing and being able to accept the change, to deal with the change, to navigate the flow of change, will be a competitive advantage. This is a skill I’m still learning myself, but I find that it helps me tremendously, especially compared to those who resist and fear change, who set goals and plans and try to rigidly adhere to them as I adapt to the changing landscape. Rigidity is less helpful in a changing environment than flexibility, fluidity, flow. Again, modeling this skill for your child at every opportunity is important, and showing them that changes are OK, that you can adapt, that you can embrace new opportunities that weren’t there before, should be a priority. Life is an adventure, and things will go wrong, turn out differently than you expected, and break whatever plans you made — and that’s part of the excitement of it all.
We can’t give our children a set of data to learn, a career to prepare for, when we don’t know what the future will bring. But we can prepare them to adapt to anything, to learn anything, to solve anything, and in about 20 years, to thank us for it.
The Pause Upon Which All Else Relies
Feb 9th
Post written by Leo Babauta.
There is one little habit I’ve learned that has changed everything else in my life.
The pause.
When we fail, it’s because we act on urges without thinking, without realizing it. We have the urge to eat junk, and we do it. We have the urge to check email instead of writing a chapter of our book, and so we open our inbox. We have an urge to smoke, to drink, to do drugs, to chew our nails, to play a Facebook game, to procrastinate, to skip a workout, to eat more fries, to criticize, to act in jealousy or anger, to be rude … and we act on that urge.
What if instead we learned to pause after each urge? What if we stopped, looked at that urge, paid close attention to what it feels like inside our bodies, but didn’t act?
The urge would no longer control us. We would be able to make conscious choices that might be healthier for us, help us be happier.
If we can pause, we create space. Space to breathe, to think, to be without acting.
The pause is the answer to so many of our problems. Such a small thing, and so powerful.
To develop the pause, notice your next urge. Is it an urge to go check something online? Or eat something you know isn’t healthy for you? Pay attention to the urge, learn as much as you can about it. If you act on it after the pause, that’s OK. Just notice it, and pause, and pay attention.
Do it again for the next urge, and the next. You will get good at it with practice, and you’ll have lots of opportunities to practice.
The urges won’t go away, but your ability to pause will get stronger. And when you have the pause, you have everything.
The Thousand Cuts Fitness Program
Feb 6th
Post written by Leo Babauta.
I’ve trained for marathons, triathlons, 10Ks, a 13.5-hour challenge, Ubanathlons, and more. But my favorite fitness program isn’t one where you train for a major event.
It’s where you get fit by a thousand little actions.
When the actions are tiny, they are easy. You have no excuse. You can do them anywhere, all day long.
I fold fitness into my life, like blueberries into batter, and it becomes a part of the recipe, not just a topping.
If you haven’t found a way to get fit, try the Thousand Cuts Fitness Program. There is nothing better for those who don’t have the time.
Here’s how it works:
1. Right now, do something that only takes 1 minute. It might be a few pushups, bodyweight squats, an attempt at a pullup, a few lunges. You have time to do 1 minute.
2. In an hour or so, go for a walk if you can. If you’re in decent shape, make it a fast walk. Add some hills for challenges. If you’re not in good shape, just walk. Later, add some spurts of fast walking.
3. Later in the day, do a few more 1 minute activities.
4. Gradually build the 1 minute activities into 2 or 3 minutes. Then 4 or 5 of them. Add more of them throughout your day.
5. As much as you can, turn the activities into play. Throw your kids around. Run through a park and climb trees and benches. Race people. Play a sport.
6. Get a pullup bar for your home. Every time you walk by it, try to pull yourself up. If you can do pullups, do a few, or 10, every time you pass the bar.
7. Get a kettlebell. Swing it a few times a day.
8. Run places. Walk places quickly.
Always be active. It’s not hard, if you do it in tiny bits. You can’t say no to 1 minute, or even just a few seconds. And if you do a thousand of them, you’ll be fit.
Fitness is a part of my life now, but it wasn’t when I started. I did it in little bits, without designating a certain time as “workout time”. My whole life is workout time.
Create the Habit of Meditation, & the Zen Habits Premium Membership
Jan 31st
Post written by Leo Babauta.
It’s something I should have created a long time ago: the Zen Habits Premium Membership, and a mini-course that’s included with it called Create the Habit of Meditation.
The membership is a monthly subscription of $19.99, but really it’s a commitment to changing your life, and the tools needed to do that.
If you’ve been looking to simplify, get healthy & fit, become more effective, do work you’re passionate about, eliminate debt, find contentment, declutter, create new habits … this new program is meant to show you how to do that.
I’ll be sharing the simple methods that have worked for me in hundreds of my experiments, have helped thousands in classes I’ve taught, and have been perfected through trial and error.
While the regular articles on Zen Habits will always be free, with this membership you’ll have bonus articles and videos, along with contributions and interviews from guest experts, live monthly webinars where you can ask questions, regular mini-courses on these topics, the ability to submit questions that I’ll answer in articles/videos, and more.
The membership is $19.99 a month, and for this first month, includes the Create the Habit of Meditation Mini-Course (more below).
The first round of registration for the Premium Membership is now closed, and will be closed for the rest of February.
Read more about the Zen Habits Premium Membership.
Creating Silence from Chaos
Jan 27th
Post written by Leo Babauta.
We are often afraid of silence, because its emptiness feels idle, boring, unproductive, and scary. And so we fill our lives with chaos, noise, clutter.
But silence can be lovely, and therapeutic, and powerful.
It can be the remedy for our stress and the habits that crush us.
If we want quiet in our lives, how do we create it?
I’ve been exploring this myself. As a father of six kids, I have to admit that I don’t always have silence in my life. That’s not a complaint — I love the messy noise that my family brings — but silence can be a welcome refuge from that noise at times.
I create silence by subtracting, and not filling the resulting emptiness withe noise or clutter.
And so my life is a constant experimentation with subtracting. When I’ve subtracted, and learn to love the empty silence, I subtract some more. Subtraction is a beautiful process.
Prefer subtraction over addition.
Learn to be content with little, or nothing.
Realize that silence is beautiful.
Find yourself in the empty space that results.
Empty a room, and put almost nothing back except that which produces quiet.
Speak less, listen more, contemplate even more.
Walk in silence. Watch the leaves quiver, fall in silence, whisper in the wind.
Sit and do nothing. Listen to your mind make noise in the silence, allow it to subside.
Eschew video, iPods, books, the Internet, mobile devices, social networks, and other purveyors of noise.
Be quiet, so that life may speak.
The Habits That Crush Us
Jan 23rd
‘Don’t panic.’ ~Douglas Adams
Post written by Leo Babauta.
Why is it that we cannot break the bad habits that stand in our way, crushing our desires to live a healthy life, be fit, simplify, be happier?
How is it that our best intentions are nearly always beaten? We want to be focused and productive, exercise and eat healthy foods, stop smoking and learn to get rid of debt and clutter, but we just can’t.
The answer lies in something extremely simple, but something most people aren’t aware of:
We don’t know how to cope with stress and boredom in a healthy way.
The bad habits we’ve formed are often useful to us, in dealing with stress and boredom. Consider the bad habits that fit this bill:
- Smoking
- Internet procrastination
- Eating junk food
- Drinking
- Being rude/angry/depressed
- Watching TV or playing video games (if you become addicted & sedentary)
- Shopping (getting into debt, building clutter)
- Procrastinating on finances, paperwork, clutter (too stressful)
- Inactivity (avoiding exercise is a stress avoidance technique)
- Biting nails, chewing hair, clenching jaw
This isn’t a complete list, but all of these habits fill a strong need: they are ways to cope with stress and/or boredom. We have formed them as coping mechanisms, and they stick around because we don’t have better ways of coping.
So what if instead, we replaced them with healthier ways of coping? We’d get rid of the problems of these bad habits, and start getting the benefits of better habits.
Better Coping Habits
How can we deal with stress and boredom instead? There’s no one answer, but the habits we form should be ones that lead to healthier results. Some ideas:
- Walk/run/swim/bike
- Do pushups, pullups, squats
- Yoga/meditation
- Play with friends/kids
- Create, write, play music, read when we’re bored
- Learn to enjoy being alone, instead of being bored
- Take a daily walk and enjoy nature
- Deal with finances, clutter, paperwork immediately, in small steps, so that it doesn’t get stressful
- Take control of a situation: make a list, get started in baby steps, so things don’t get stressful
- Learn to be mindful of your breathing, body tension, stressed-out thoughts
- Get some rest
- Learn to savor healthy food that you find delicious
- Slow down
- Take a hot bath
- Learn to live in the present
These are some good examples. Each habit above will help cope with or prevent stress or boredom. If you replace the bad habits with these, your life will be less stressful and healthier. You’ll have less debt, less clutter, less fat, less disease.
Changing the Habits
The old habits of coping didn’t build up overnight, and they won’t go away overnight either. We built them up through years of repetition, and the only way to change them is also years of repetition.
But an important start is to realize why we do them — stress and boredom, largely — and realize that there are other ways to deal with these two problems. We need to be aware when stress and boredom start to kick in, and instead of being afraid of them, realize that they are problems easily solved by other habits. Let’s take the fear out of stress and boredom. Let’s learn that we can beat them simply, and prove that with repeated good habits.
Once you have that realization, follow the usual Zen Habits steps to changing a habit:
- Pick one habit at a time.
- Start very small – just a minute or two, if you want it to stick.
- Use social motivation like Facebook, Twitter, Google+ or email.
- Be very conscious of your triggers, and do the habit consciously every time the trigger happens.
- Enjoy the new habit. You’ll stick with it longer if you do.
We have been crushed by the habits we’ve formed out of fear of stress and boredom. We can fight back, by learning to breathe, to smile, to go slowly. We can humble these giants that crush us by turning them into mere gnats to be shooed away with a smile.
Learning to Sit Alone, in a Quiet Empty Room
Jan 17th
‘All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.’ ~Blaise Pascal
Post written by Leo Babauta.
Think about some of the problems of our daily lives, and how many of them would be eased if we could learn to sit alone, in a quiet empty room, with contentment.
If you’re content to sit alone quietly, you don’t need to eat junk food, to shop on impulse, to buy the latest gadget, to be on social media to see what everyone else is talking about or doing, to compare yourself to others, to make more money to keep up with the Joneses, to achieve glory or power, to conquer other lands or wage war, to be rude or violent to others, to be selfish or greedy, to be constantly busy or productive.
You are content, and need nothing else. It solves a lot of problems.
Can you sit alone in an empty room? Can you enjoy the joy of quiet?
Most of us have trouble sitting alone, quietly, doing nothing. We have the need to do something, to check our inboxes and social media, to be productive. Sitting still can be difficult if you haven’t cultivated the habit.
I’ve been learning. In the morning, as my coffee is brewing, I sit. Even for a few minutes, at first, it is instructive. You learn to listen to your thoughts, to be aware of your urges to do something else, to plan and set goals. You learn to watch yourself, but to just sit still and not act on those urges. You learn to be content with stillness.
You learn to savor the quiet. It’s something most of us don’t have, quiet, and it takes some getting used to. When we’re driving our cars or out exercising or eating or working, we have music playing or we talk with people or we have the television on. Quiet can be amazing, though, because it helps us calm down, contemplate, slow down to savor the emptiness.
An empty room, too, is a luxury. I try to empty my room of clutter, so that it’s fairly bare. That leaves only me, and the room is a blank slate ready to be filled with me, my creativity, my silence. I love a spartan room.
Being alone is another pleasure we too often neglect. When we are alone, we go on the Internet or TV to see what else is going on, what others are doing or saying, instead of just being alone. This isolation is a necessary thing, that allows us to find ourselves, to learn to be content with little instead of always wanting more.
Can you practice being alone, being still, being quiet? Just a little at first, then perhaps a bit more. Listen, watch, learn about yourself. Find contentment. Need nothing more.
Life as a Conscious Practice
Jan 13th
‘Everything is practice.’ ~Pele
Post written by Leo Babauta.
When we learn a martial art, or ballet, or gymnastics, or soccer … we consciously practice movements in a deliberate way, repeatedly. By conscious, repeated practice, we become good at those movements.
Our entire lives are like this, but we’re often less conscious of the practice.
Each day, we repeat movements, thought patterns, ways of interacting with others … and in this repeated practice, we are becoming (or have already become) good at these things. If you constantly check Facebook or Twitter, that is practice, and you are forming that habit, though it’s usually not with too much awareness.
When you smoke, or eat junk food, or speak rudely to others, or put yourself down internally, this is something you are practicing to be good at. You may already be good at these things.
What if, instead, we practiced consciously, deliberately, and became good at the things we really want to be good at?
What if you first, above all skills, learned to be more aware of what you are practicing? What if constant conscious action is the skill you became good at?
If you could learn to take conscious action, you could learn to practice other things you want to be good at, rather than the ones you don’t.
What Are You Practicing?
Ask yourself these things throughout the day, to practice conscious action:
- Do I want to practice rushing through my morning, or can I wake a little earlier and simplify my morning routine so that I practice a slow, enjoyable morning ritual?
- Do I want to practice checking my inboxes when I first get to my computer, or can I do something better?
- Do I want to practice leaving dirty dishes out, or can I practice washing my bowl when I’m done with it?
- Do I want to practice leaving clothes strewn about, or papers lying on the counter, or can I take a few seconds to put them where they belong?
- Do I want to speak angrily to my kids or spouse, or can I speak to them with kindness and compassion?
- Do I want to practice complaining and self-pity, or can I practice gratitude?
- Do I want to practice rushing and being busy, or can I practice simplifying and going slowly?
- Do I want to practice eating fried foods, sugary foods, salty junk food snacks, fast foods … or can I practice eating whole foods, vegetables and fruits, nuts and beans and seeds?
- Do I want to practice surfing time-wasting sites, or can I practice clearing away distractions and creating?
- Do I want to practice watching mindless entertainment, or can I practice moving my body and exerting myself in activity?
- Do I want to practice smoking, or can I learn a healthier way to deal with stress?
- Do I want to practice shopping, or can I practice giving?
These are only examples … your life will show you what you’ve been practicing, and you can decide what you might rather practice instead. Or you might be completely happy with what you’ve been practicing.
Some ideas for creative practice from Ali Edwards.
How to Practice
The first step is always awareness. When you are conscious of what you are doing, you can decide whether this is an action or thought pattern you want to practice, or if there’s an alternative you’d rather be good at.
As you go through your day, practice this awareness. It’s the first skill, and it’s the most important one. Be aware, without feeling guilty or angry at yourself, of what you’re doing and thinking. You will forget to to this, but remind yourself. You might wear a rubber band around your wrist, or carry a talisman, or make tally marks on a slip of paper each time you remember.
As you get good at conscious action, start to practice those actions and thought patterns you want to be good at. Start to notice the ones you’d really rather not be good at, and see if you can deliberately practice other actions and thought patterns.
As you consciously, deliberately repeat these things, you’ll get better at them. It takes a lot of repetition to get good at a skill, but you’ve got time.
Important Conclusions
You won’t be able to change all your habits at once, and I’m not implying that you should try. The habit you’re really changing is consciousness, and practice. Other habits will be difficult to change, especially if you’re trying to change all of them, but it’s OK if you mess up. Give yourself permission to make mistakes without guilt, and instead just deliberately practice again, and again.
If something is too hard, and you can’t get it right no matter how many times you practice, you can try it in smaller steps. If you can’t quit smoking, try not smoking once, and instead relieving stress through walking or doing some pushups or meditation or self-massage. If you can’t quit junk food, just replace one snack with a fruit, or add a tasty veggie to your dinner.
I’d like to emphasize that this isn’t about perfection. There is no perfect way of life, and you don’t need to strive to be perfect every moment of the day. I believe you’re already perfect. This is just about conscious action, which is a useful skill to have.
Remember that we become good at what we repeatedly do, and what we do repeatedly can be done consciously. It’s when we’re conscious that we are truly alive.
‘If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.’ ~Dalai Lama
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The Power of Less, on Sale
As part of a New Year’s promotion by my publisher, Hyperion, my book The Power of Less is on sale for just $3.99 until Jan. 31, 2012.
This is actually a steal, and I highly recommend it.
Buy the book on sale on these sites: